The Breaking of the Storm, Vol. III.Spielhagen, Friedrich
General
The Breaking of the Storm, Vol. III.
Spielhagen, Friedrich
Fiction
"Yes, General," said Uncle Ernst, "I repeat it--remorse; though we have
neither of us had much opportunity yet of making acquaintance with such
a thing. I think we may both bear witness of ourselves, without
boasting, that we have all our lives long desired to do right,
according to the best of our knowledge and conscience; but, General,
since that first and only interview which I had with you, the words
have been constantly ringing in my ear, and I hear them at this moment
more plainly than ever, that I have indeed forgotten nothing, but have
also learned nothing. It was a hard saying to a man like myself, whose
highest pride had been to have striven from his youth up after a better
and purer experience, after truth and light; and I put it from me,
therefore, as an absolute injustice. But it has returned upon me again
and again, all through these dark and gloomy winter months, day after
day, and night after night, and it has gnawed at my heart till I almost
went mad over it, for I thought I could not believe those words without
giving up myself, without denying the sun at midday, or at least
admitting that that sun had dark, very dark spots, fearfully dark for
one who would joyfully have laid his head upon the block for its
spotless purity. And yet, General, it was so. However the tortured
heart might cry out against it, the relentless words would not be
silenced: 'You, who glory in having forgotten nothing, have lost the
better part, and you have learned nothing.'
"This hard battle, General, in which I have nearly perished, and which
has certainly shortened my life by many years, has continued till this
very day, till this very hour. Even the shameless and disgraceful act
of my son, with whom for years past I have lived in unnatural enmity,
could not break my pride. 'What is it to me,' I cried, 'if he drew
poison from the honey, if, when I had made respect for foolish
prejudices ridiculous to the boy, he later on lost all reverence for
the sacredness of law? If my teaching that it was every man's duty to
stand upon his own feet and trust in his own strength was perverted by
him into the doctrine that he who had the might had the right also to
take all that his hand could grasp, and to tread under foot whatever
was weak enough to allow itself to be trampled upon? He has been
corrupt from his childhood,' I cried, 'let Nature be answerable for all
that she has created in her dark recesses! What matters it to us who,
out of the chaos where right and wrong, reason and folly, are wavering
and mingling confusedly together, are striving after the light of
absolute self-dependence? What matters it above all to the plebeian, to
whom the aristocrat's pride in his forefathers seems ridiculous? Let
the children go their way! Why should the question of whither we go
seem to us more worthy of inquiry than of whence we come, concerning
which on principle we ask nothing? Pale spectre of family honour, write
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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