American fiction -- 20th century; Chicago (Ill.) -- Fiction; Journalists -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction
To Phyllis, indeed, the notion occurred—only to be devoutly disbelieved,
repudiated and forgotten—that Rose-Ann’s absence was a consequence of
her own talk with Felix the other night. But Felix’s imperturbable
demeanour, when she met him and Clive at lunch, his air of being
somewhat preoccupied with a literary problem, the complete absence of
any anxiety in his face, reassured her. She had been happy in telling
Felix the truth—or what seemed to emerge from her tangled emotions as
the truth. She had wished to believe that this was possible; and she had
dared herself to prove it possible. She had told him, in defiance of all
convention, that she loved him! There was a splendour in it for which
her doubting mind ached, as a parched throat for an appeasing drink.
That he should tell her that he loved her in return was bewildering and
troubling; and if it was news that she secretly desired to hear, had
secretly hoped to elicit, she would not let herself realize it. For a
moment _her_ universe had been shaken; but for a moment only. Things had
righted themselves, after an intoxicating earthquake-tremour, in which
all sorts of possibilities, vast and terrible and sweet, had presented
themselves. For a moment she had felt for Felix a new emotion, one of
pity mixed with tenderness; almost, her ideal of him had crumbled, when
he said that he loved her in return. For it was as Rose-Ann’s husband
that she loved him—as the partner of an ideal marriage. For a dismayed
second she had thought he was going to tell her that he no longer loved
Rose-Ann; but it wasn’t so. Things were as they should be.... Except
that he shouldn’t have wanted to kiss her. She disdained him for that
weakness. She had been meaning to ask for that kiss herself! As a gift,
a concession from his strength to her weakness—yes; but not as something
he wanted....
But, as she remembered the event, she forgave him even that, for it
seemed to her that he had been sorry for her. That was why he had wanted
to kiss her; and if she had realized that, she would have let him.... As
she re-enacted the scene in memory, it seemed to her that he had been
magnificently untouched by it all. She saw herself, discontented,
unhappy, making her confession of love; and he, listening quietly, as
one who had the right to be loved.... So it should be—so she had thought
of him. And he had said that he loved her too: he had not been afraid
that she would misunderstand him. She flushed at the thought that she
almost had misunderstood.... But, no—everything had gone beautifully.
And Rose-Ann—he had of course told Rose-Ann—what did she think of it?
Rose-Ann would not begrudge her this confession, this moment of beauty.
Rose-Ann had gone away. Why? Perhaps her plans had jibed with the
generous desire to let these two, Felix and Phyllis, be more together.
Perhaps it was her way of showing that it was all right....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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