American fiction -- 20th century; Chicago (Ill.) -- Fiction; Journalists -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction
With all due deference to the learned Winckler, it may perhaps be
suggested that the lack of any personal significance in such
relationships, and the discovery of it by the persons involved, is
worthy of record.... There is a charm, real if evanescent, in
impersonality; and at times the weary mind finds in this charm a blessed
anodyne. It seems, at such times, as though the very nothingness at the
heart of such a relationship were the most beautiful thing in the world.
A wanderer shipwrecked in a tumultuous tropic sea might well yearn to be
cast up on some arctic shore. Deeper than the demands of the senses is
the yearning for the Snow Princess, whose kisses are as cool as
snowflakes. There is no fever of love in those kisses; their sweet hard
chill is like the sight of marble contours; they have the calm of
eternity in them.
During his first hours with Elva Macklin, it had seemed to Felix that he
knew the profoundest secret of human wisdom—the vanity of desire. He
desired nothing in the world, least of all any gift from his
light-hearted companion in Nirvana. She had nothing to give; and
whatever she might give and he might take, it was still nothing. It was
strange, how like fire ice could be; but fire burns, and leaves nothing
the same as before—it transmutes, or destroys; and this crystal flame
left them both as they had been. They felt no need of each other; and
they could not be disappointed. They were satisfied with themselves; and
they could be content to remain strangers for all their nearness. No
kiss could bridge the gulf between them; they did not want it bridged;
and if they kissed, it was as though to prove that no intimacy, none
whatever, could shatter their splendid and perfect isolation, no mere
happy human closeness merge their triumphant individual identities.
There was a defiance in their kisses—they were proving that they could
be to each other everything and yet nothing.
It was quite true that Felix did not care, when Elva Macklin went off to
her rehearsal, whether he ever saw her again; he knew she would return;
but it made no difference. It never would make any difference. They were
strangers; they would remain strangers for ever. There was no danger of
love.
And as long as there was no danger, they would enjoy the happy charm of
each other’s strangeness....
Felix did not go to his office; he stayed in the apartment,
writing—writing a play. It was the same play he had been writing ever
since his marriage; a new version, and different from all the others.
Before, he had written fantastically of people as he wished them to be;
now he wrote of them as they were. He knew, now, what human beings were
like; himself outside the boundaries of their hopes and fears, he
understood them, pitied them, loved them. He wrote of himself as he had
been—caught hopelessly in the briary-bush of human passions.... Yes,
this was a play at last. One must, it seemed, be outside things to
understand them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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