Accident victims -- Fiction; Bridges -- Accidents -- Peru -- Fiction; Historical fiction; Peru -- Fiction
Behind the screen the Abbess sat among her girls. The night before she
had torn an idol from her heart and the experience had left her pale but
firm. She had accepted the fact that it was of no importance whether her
work went on or not; it was enough to work. She was the nurse who tends
the sick who never recover; she was the priest who perpetually renews
the office before an altar to which no worshippers come. There would be
no Pepita to enlarge her work; it would relapse into the indolence and
the indifference of her colleagues. It seemed to be sufficient for
Heaven that for a while in Peru a disinterested love had flowered and
faded. She leaned her forehead upon her hand, following the long tender
curve that the soprano lifts in the Kyrie. "My affection should have had
more of that colour, Pepita. My whole life should have had more of that
quality. I have been too busy," she added ruefully and her mind drifted
into prayer.
Camila had started from the farm to attend the service. Her heart was
filled with consternation and amazement. Here was another comment from
the skies; that was the third time she had been spoken to. Her
small-pox, Jaime's illness, and now the fall of the bridge,--oh, these
were not accidents. She was as ashamed as though letters had appeared on
her forehead. An order from the Palace announced that the Viceroy was
sending her two daughters to a convent-school in Spain. That was right.
She was alone. She gathered a few things together mechanically and
started to the city for the Service. But she fell to thinking of the
crowds gaping over her Uncle Pio and over her son; she thought of the
vast ritual of the church, like a chasm into which the beloved falls,
and of the storm of the _dies irae_ where the individual is lost among
the millions of the dead, features grow dim and traits fade. At a little
more than half the journey, at the mud church of San Luis Rey she
slipped in and knelt against a pillar to rest. She wandered through her
memory, searching for the faces of her two. She waited for some emotion
to appear. "But I feel nothing," she whispered to herself. "I have no
heart. I am a poor meaningless woman, that's all. I am shut out. I have
no heart. Look, I won't try and think of anything; let me just rest
here." And scarcely had she paused when again that terrible
incommunicable pain swept through her, the pain that could not speak
once to Uncle Pio and tell him of her love and just once offer her
courage to Jaime in his sufferings. She started up wildly: "I fail
everybody," she cried. "They love me and I fail them." She returned to
the farm and carried for a year the mood of her self-despair. One day
she heard by accident that the wonderful Abbess had lost two persons
whom she loved in the same accident. Her sewing fell from her hand: then
she would know, she would explain. "But no, what would she say to me!
She would not even believe that such a person as I could love or could
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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