Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Married women -- Fiction; Vermont -- Fiction
"Marise, I'm afraid that you _have_ to fight for what you want to keep
in this world. I don't see any way out of it. And I don't believe that
anybody else can do your fighting for you. You ask if it's not possible
to have beautiful, intimate things spoiled by questioning, criticisms,
doubts. Yes, I do think it is, for young people, who haven't learned
anything of life at first hand. I think they ought to be protected till
they have been able to accumulate some actual experience of life. That's
the only weapon for self-defense anybody can have, what he has learned
of life, himself. Young people are apt to believe what older people tell
them about life, because they don't know anything about it, yet,
themselves, and I think you ought to be careful what is questioned in
their presence. But I don't see that mature people ought to be protected
unless you want to keep them childish, as women used to be kept. Nothing
is your own, if you haven't made it so, and kept it so."
"But, Neale, it's so sickeningly _hard_! Why do it? Why, when everything
seems all right, pry into the deep and hidden roots of things? I don't
_want_ to think about the possibility of some dreadful dry-rot happening
to married people's feelings towards each other, as they get older and
get used to each other. It's soiling to my imagination. What's the use?"
She had so hoped he would help her to sweep them all back to the cellar
labeled "morbid" and lock them down in the dark again. Any other man
would, she thought, amazed at him, _any_ other husband! She focussed all
her personality passionately to force him to answer as she wished.
He fell into another thoughtful silence, glanced up at her once sharply
and looked down again. She always felt afraid of him when he looked like
that. No, not afraid of him, but of the relentless thing he was going to
say. Presently he said it. "What's the use? Why, the very fact you seem
afraid of it . . . I can't imagine why . . . shows there would be some use.
To turn your back on anything you're afraid of, that's fatal, always. It
springs on you from behind."
She cried out to him in a sudden anguish that was beyond her control,
"But _suppose you face it and still it springs_!"
Her aspect, her accent, her shaken voice gave him a great start. He
faced her. He looked at her as though he saw her for the first time that
day. And he grew very pale as he looked. Something wordless passed
between them. Now he knew at last what she was afraid of.
But he did not flinch. He said desperately, in a harsh voice, "You have
to take what comes to you in life," and was grimly silent.
Then with a gesture as though to put away something incredible,
approaching him, he went on more quietly, "But my experience is that it
doesn't dare spring if you walk right up to it. Generally you find
you're less afraid of everything in the world, after that."
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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