Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Married women -- Fiction; Vermont -- Fiction
She was still sitting there, looking fixedly before her, and frowning,
when Agnes came to the door to say timidly that the gentleman had come
about using his car to meet the train, and wanted to know if he could
see Mrs. Crittenden.
Marise looked at her, frowning, and shook her head. But it was not until
late that night that she understood the words that Agnes had spoken.
* * * * *
She was still sitting there, rigid, waiting, when Agnes brought in a
lighted lamp, and Marise saw that evening had come. The light was
extremely disagreeable to her eyes. She got up stiffly, and went
outdoors to the porch, sitting down on the steps.
The stars were beginning to come out now. The sight of them suggested
something painful, some impression that belonged to that other world
that had existed before this day, before she had conceived the
possibility that Neale might not be Neale, might never have been Neale,
that there was no such thing for her as human integrity. Was it she who
had leaned out from the window and felt herself despised by the height
and vastness of the stars? From the height and vastness of her need, she
looked down on them now, and found them nothing, mere pin-pricks in the
sky, compared to this towering doubt of her, this moral need which
shouted down all the mere matter on the earth and in the heavens above
the earth. Something eternal was at stake now, the faith in
righteousness of a human soul.
She had thought childishly, shallowly last night that she had had no
faith, and could live with none. That was because she had not conceived
what it would be to try to live without faith, because she had not
conceived that the very ground under her feet could give way. At that
very moment she had had a faith as boundless as the universe, and had
forgotten it. And now it was put in doubt. She could not live without
it. It was the only vital thing for her.
Was she the woman who had felt forced into acquiescing when Vincent
Marsh had said so boldly and violently, that she loved her husband no
more, that he was nothing to her now? It seemed to her at this moment
that it was a matter of the utmost unimportance whether she _loved_ him
or not; but she could not live without believing him. That was all. She
could not live without that. Life would be too utterly base . . .
Neale nothing to her? She did not know _what_ he was to her, but the
mere possibility of losing her faith in him was like death. It was a
thousand times worse than death, which was merely material. This
mattered a great deal more than the physical death of someone's body . . .
it was the murder, minute by minute, hour by hour, month by month, year
by year of all her married life, of all she had found lovable and
tolerable and beautiful and real in life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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