Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Married women -- Fiction; Vermont -- Fiction
Would Vincent come back at all? Marise had wondered so often. Not
Vincent in the flesh; that last angry bewildered gesture had finality in
it. He had given her up then, totally. But would he come back to haunt
her in those inevitable moments of flat ebb-tide in life, when what
should be moist and living, withered and crisped in the merciless
drought of drudgery and routine? She feared it, frankly dreaded it at
first, and tried to think how to brace herself against it. But it was
not then that tie came, not when she was toiling with dishes to wash, or
vegetables to pare, or the endless care of the children's never-in-order
clothes. Instead she found in those moments, which had been arid before,
a curious new savor, a salt without which life would seem insipid,
something which gave her appetite for the rest. "This is all Tolstoyan
nonsense and sentimentality," she told herself mockingly, "there is
nothing sacred about scrubbing the floor." Or on another day, "I wonder
if it's a twist of the absurd mediaeval ascetic perversity left over?"
Or again, "All it does for me is to take off the curse of belonging to
the bourgeoisie." But no matter what skeptical name she called it, nor
how much she minimized the reality of it, she felt some odd value in it
which she would not have gone without. Once she said to herself, "It's
ballast, to a person like me," although she did not know exactly what
this meant. And another time she said, "Perhaps it's that I'm making an
honest effort to do my share." But it was true and real, the fact that
after such work the reading of the day's news of the world brought her a
less oppressive sense of guilt. And stranger than this, music had
greater vitality for her. She felt it a deeper, richer soil than even
she had dreamed of, and struck her roots profoundly into depths which
kept her whole complicated organism poised, steady, and upright.
And here it was that Vincent came back. Not the Vincent of the hawk-like
imperious face, or burning eyes of desire, which had seemed to him his
realest self. But the Vincent who had come in from the porch that day in
March when she had first played to him, who had smiled at her, the good,
grateful, peaceful smile, and had said to her music, "Go on, go on." It
was the same Vincent of the afternoon in Cousin Hetty's garden when the
vulture of the desire to possess had left him for a moment in peace.
Often and often he came thus as she played and leaned his head back and
said, "Go on." And thus Marise knew he would always come. And thus she
welcomed him.
This was what was left of him in the house he had so filled with his
smoky, flaming brilliance.
V
December.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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