"Und he ups und sez, sez he, 'Joshaway, a woice is ergwine ter cum arter
erwhile to yo house, und don't yu go ergin it, und den I'd no whey de
munny is.' Dem wuz de werry wurds he spoke, missis, bress yo life. Und
den I ups und sez, sez I, How's I ergwine ter tell dat woice frum de
tuther wuns? Kase dare is de hoppergrasses und de cattle beastes er
woicin simultaneous all de time eroun my house; und den he sez, sez he,
'Hits er cummin frum de hellyments.' Jes so. Well den, sho nuff de woice
did cum dat werry nite, pine plank jess lak he sed fur de wurrel, und
hit wur er mity solumkolly woice, same ez de whinkering ob Mars Jon's
wun-eyed mule down in de mash in de snow wen de fodder is all gin out.
Hit called 'Joshaway! Joshaway!' jess lak dat, und Hanner she heerd it,
(peers lak she's allus studdin erbout dem rone hosses und de munny, when
her mind ain't er runnin on de sliden elder und de love feast down at
Filadelfy meetin house), und she ups und sez, sez she, 'Joshaway, is yu
gwine? Yu mout git de munny und den ergin yu moutn't.' But I seed dat
her mouts wuz mo stronger dan her moutn'ts, und I drug de ole happysack
outen de bofat, und den I sez, sez I, yes, I'm ergwine. Und bimeby I
gits ter de crick. Well, de moon hit wur rite over yander under de
seben storrs und peered lake hit wur er larfin und er larfin ter itsef
wid er mouf dat retched frum yur to yur und wun eye shot rite tite.
"Dare wuz de line tide ter de willer tree sho nuff, jess lak hit sed,
und hit peered lak hit were er tusselin wid a mity ambishun wid de
drownded happysack, er shassain disserway und den ergin datterway, lak
yu seed wun o' dese cow-eetch wines fo now er raslin in a mill race; und
I sez to mysef, sez I, Joshaway, yu's got a sho nuff bite dis time, und
hit haint er catfish nudder, nur hit aint er allynipper."
"Oh, my hebbens!" again vociferated Clarissa.
"Und den I drug und drug und drug, und bimeby I seed dat fish's two
eyes. Ugh-h-h-h! Und den I drapped back into de crick drownded to def.
Ugh-h-h-h!"
"Grate King," shouted Clarissa. "Wuz yu sho nuff drounded to def,
brudder Joshaway?"
"Und den when I seed dat niggers too eyes of hissen und--ugh-h-h-h!"
"Hung to de hook!" shrieked Clarissa interrogatively.
"To be sho, to be sho," replied Joshua with irritation; "Duz yu spishun
hit wur hung to de gallus? Und ez I drapped missis, ez I drapped," he
continued, "I flung out dese too hands jess so missis, und kotched holt
of er nudder nigger drounded to def by er sarcumstance dat haint neber
been skivvered."
"Und den yer cum too ergin?" queried Clarissa shaking with excitement.
"Naw chile," Joshua answered with gravity, "I haint neber cum too no mo,
dat I haint."
Jake had another delusion--that to do your work without makin mistakes
"yer must obsarve the consequences."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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