"You see, gentlemen of the jury, and you, Mr. Foreman, I have a
wife, and that good lady was in court, an' kept her eye on me all
the time like a rattlesnake. I couldn't steal a peep at the prisoner
but she was shakin' of her parasol handle at me, and though she
didn't say it with words yet I read it in her eye, 'Now then, Josiah,
none o' your games and gushes of pity over pretty gals.' It's as
much as my domestic felicity is worth, gentlemen, to say not guilty.
My wife would say, and your wives would all say, 'O yes! very fine.
Because she was 'andsome you have acquitted her. Had we--' I'm
speakin' as if it was our wives addressin' of us, gentlemen--'Had
we been in the dock, or had there been an ugly woman, you would
have said guilty at once.' So for peace and quietness I say guilty.
'Ang 'er."
"Well, Mr. Kingerle," said the foreman, "that is your opinion; you
agree with Mr. Quittenden. Now then, what say you, Mr. Wrist?"
The juryman addressed was a stout and heavy man. He stretched his
short legs, seated himself in his chair, and after a long pause
said, "I don't know as I care particular, as far as I'm concerned.
But it's better in my opinion to hang her, even if innocent, than
let her off. It's setting an example, a fine one, to the wimen. I
agree with Mr. Quittenden, and say--guilty. 'Ang 'er.'
"Now then, Mr. Sanson."
"I," answered a timid little apothecary, "I wouldn't wish to differ
from any one. I had rather you passed me over now, and just asked
the rest. Then I'll fall in with the general division."
"Very well, then--and you, Mr. Sniggins."
"I am rayther hard of hearing," answered that gentleman, "and I
didn't catch all that was said in evidence, and then I had a bad
night. I'd taken some lobster last evening, and it didn't agree
with me, and I couldn't sleep, and it was rayther hot in the court,
and I just closed my eyes now and again, and what with being hard
of hearing and closing my eyes, I'm not very well up in the case,
but I say--guilty. 'Ang 'er."
"And you, Mr.--I beg your pardon, I did not catch your name."
"Verstage."
"Not a Kingston gent?"
"Oh, no, from Guildford,"
"What say you, sir?"
"I--emphatically, not guilty." Iver threw himself back in his
chair, extended his legs, and thrust his hands into his trouser
pockets. "The whole thing is rank nonsense. How could a woman with
a baby in her arms knock a man down? You try, gents, any one of
you--take your last born, and whilst nursing it, attempt to pull
your wife's nose. You can't do it. The thing is obvious." He looked
round with assurance. "The man was a curmudgeon. He misused her.
He was in bad circumstances through the failure of the Wealden
Bank. He wanted money, and the child had just had a fortune left
it--something a little under two hundred pounds."
"How do you know that?" asked the foreman. "That didn't come out
in evidence."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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