Brothers -- Fiction; Didactic fiction; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; Russia -- Social life and customs -- 1533-1917 -- Fiction
Three days passed and Holy Week had come. And on Tuesday morning my
brother began going to church. “I am doing this simply for your sake,
mother, to please and comfort you,” he said. My mother wept with joy
and grief. “His end must be near,” she thought, “if there’s such a
change in him.” But he was not able to go to church long, he took to
his bed, so he had to confess and take the sacrament at home.
It was a late Easter, and the days were bright, fine, and full of
fragrance. I remember he used to cough all night and sleep badly, but
in the morning he dressed and tried to sit up in an arm-chair. That’s
how I remember him sitting, sweet and gentle, smiling, his face bright
and joyous, in spite of his illness. A marvelous change passed over
him, his spirit seemed transformed. The old nurse would come in and
say, “Let me light the lamp before the holy image, my dear.” And once
he would not have allowed it and would have blown it out.
“Light it, light it, dear, I was a wretch to have prevented you doing
it. You are praying when you light the lamp, and I am praying when I
rejoice seeing you. So we are praying to the same God.”
Those words seemed strange to us, and mother would go to her room and
weep, but when she went in to him she wiped her eyes and looked
cheerful. “Mother, don’t weep, darling,” he would say, “I’ve long to
live yet, long to rejoice with you, and life is glad and joyful.”
“Ah, dear boy, how can you talk of joy when you lie feverish at night,
coughing as though you would tear yourself to pieces.”
“Don’t cry, mother,” he would answer, “life is paradise, and we are all
in paradise, but we won’t see it, if we would, we should have heaven on
earth the next day.”
Every one wondered at his words, he spoke so strangely and positively;
we were all touched and wept. Friends came to see us. “Dear ones,” he
would say to them, “what have I done that you should love me so, how
can you love any one like me, and how was it I did not know, I did not
appreciate it before?”
When the servants came in to him he would say continually, “Dear, kind
people, why are you doing so much for me, do I deserve to be waited on?
If it were God’s will for me to live, I would wait on you, for all men
should wait on one another.”
Mother shook her head as she listened. “My darling, it’s your illness
makes you talk like that.”
“Mother, darling,” he would say, “there must be servants and masters,
but if so I will be the servant of my servants, the same as they are to
me. And another thing, mother, every one of us has sinned against all
men, and I more than any.”
Mother positively smiled at that, smiled through her tears. “Why, how
could you have sinned against all men, more than all? Robbers and
murderers have done that, but what sin have you committed yet, that you
hold yourself more guilty than all?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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