The Cabinet Minister: A farce in four actsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The Cabinet Minister: A farce in four acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
And I'll hand you back your acceptances--every-one of 'em--I will--on my
word of honour as a gentleman!
[She seizes him by the throat and shakes him violently.]
LADY TWOMBLEY.
How dare you! How dare you tempt me!
MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.
[Arranging his hair and moustache with his pocket comb and mirror.] Oh,
ladies are trying in business--they are dooced trying.
LADY TWOMBLEY.
You--you wretch! Do you think I haven't endured enough for the past
three months without this? Oh, pa, what will you say to your Kitty when
you know the disgrace she's brought on you! Oh, my chicks, my chicks, my
blessed chicks!
MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.
Lady Twombley, my pride has been wounded, my self-respect has been 'urt
in this _recherche_ 'Ighland 'ome for, I 'ope, the last time. I shall
retire from the hop early to-morrow night and hook it--bring my visit to
a close--on Thursday morning.
LADY TWOMBLEY.
Thank you.
MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.
Next week the first bit of paper bearin' the honoured name of woman
falls doo.
LADY TWOMBLEY.
Oh!
MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.
I repeat the word, d-u-e, doo.
LADY TWOMBLEY.
Mr. Lebanon!
MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.
Our interview has been a distressin' one, Lady Twombley. It is over.
LADY TWOMBLEY.
Mr. Lebanon! Mr. Lebanon! [He turns his chair from her. To herself.]
It's all up with me. I--I'll go and find pa, and tell him. There's no
help for it--I'll tell him. Mr. Lebanon! For the last time--have
compassion on a poor fool of a woman! [He turns away.] Oh! I'll go to
pa's room and--tell him. [She goes out.]
MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.
That's one way to the old gentleman's room. [He opens the door and
listens.] Ah! what's the latest quotation for lovely woman's weakness?
[VALENTINE enters with MRS. GAYLUSTRE and MACPHAIL, who looks very
scared, has a handkerchief bound round his knee, and leans on MRS.
GAYLUSTRE'S arm. She supports him to a chair.]
MRS. GAYLUSTRE.
[To SIR COLIN.] Lean on your poor broken-hearted friend.
MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.
[To himself.] Oh, the dooce!
VALENTINE WHITE.
I'll find Lady Macphail. [He goes out.]
MRS. GAYLUSTRE.
[Whispering to LEBANON.] Get out of sight!
MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.
[Quietly to her.] Can't. I must wait here--I've got an important little
affair on.
MRS. GAYLUSTRE.
So have I. Leave us!
MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.
Oh, my goodness, how selfish you are, Fanny!
MRS. GAYLUSTRE.
Selfish! you'll ruin my prospects in life! Brute!
MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.
Vixen!
MRS. GAYLUSTRE.
Bah!
MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.
Bah!
[LEBANON goes out. MRS. GAYLUSTRE throws herself on her knees beside
MACPHAIL.]
MRS. GAYLUSTRE.
How do you feel now?
MACPHAIL.
Well, its tingling.
MRS. GAYLUSTRE.
Tingling! You bear it like a hero.
MACPHAIL.
I appreciate the compliment, but I'm thinking I'm only a bit singed.
MRS. GAYLUSTRE.
Ah, but why, why do you indulge in these reckless sports?
MACPHAIL.
I was merely sitting in the drag looking at the sky.
MRS. GAYLUSTRE.
Sitting in the drag looking at the sky! How foolhardy!
MACPHAIL.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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