“At first I made certain he had seen everything; but his blank and
frank bewilderment was more reassuring at a second glance, and at a
third I guessed what had happened to him. His crumpled clothes were
dank with dew. His eyes were puddles of utter stupefaction. He had
been sleeping in the Park, and walking in his sleep, and in all
probability it was my shot which had brought him to himself; of this,
however, I was less sure, and in my doubt I was disastrously inspired
to accuse him of having fired the shot himself. It never struck me that
he could mistake the body behind me for a living man; it was with a
wild idea of being the first to accuse the other, that I asked him if
he knew what he had done, and seized his revolver at the same moment. I
had the wit to grasp it in my hot hand until the barrel was just warm
enough to help me convince the child that he really had fired the shot;
but, since he could not see it for myself, I was not going out of my
way just then to tell him it was a fatal shot. Already I regretted that
I had gone so far, and yet already I saw myself committed to a course
of action as rash as it was now inevitable. The boy became convulsed
with asthma; I could not leave him there, to tell his story when the
body was discovered, to have it disproved perhaps on the spot, at the
latest on a comparison of bullets, and the truth brought home to me
through his description. Again, when I had taken him to my house, with
all sorts of foolish precautions, and still more foolish risks, I had
to keep him there. How could I let him loose to blurt out his story and
implicate me more readily than ever after what he had seen of me at
home? I had to keep him there—I repeat it—alive or dead. And I was not
the kind of murderer (if I am one at all) to take a young and innocent
life, if I could help it, to preserve my own; on the contrary, I had,
and I hope I always should have had, humanity enough at least to do
what I could for a fellow-creature battling with an attack which almost
threatened to remove him from my path without my aid.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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