to remember ..." His voice seemed to slip away into
infinity as voices in a dream do. She could not say anything because
she was in a dream too. She could only feel his hand stroking her face.
He seemed to take her silence for consent. He suddenly kissed her
furiously, pressing her head back until it hurt. That woke her. She
pushed his arms back and sprang up. Her hands were trembling. She shook
her head. "No, Martin. No, not now." "Why not?" He looked at her
angrily from the chair. His face was altered, he was frowning, his eyes
were dark. "I'm not going to stay now." Her voice shook in spite of
herself. With shaking hands she patted her dress. "Why not?" he asked
again. "I'm not. I promised the aunts. Not now. It would spoil
everything." "Oh, very well." He was furious with her. He wouldn't meet
her eyes. "Not now." She felt that she would cry; tears flooded her
eyes. "It's been so lovely ... Martin ... Don't look like that. Oh, I
love you too much!" She broke off. With a sudden movement she fell at
his feet; kneeling there, she drew his hands to her face, she kissed
them, the palms of his hands over and over again. His anger suddenly
left him. He put his arms round her and kissed her, first her eyes,
then her cheeks, then, gently, her mouth. "All right," he said. "Only I
feel somehow ... I feel as though our time had come to an end." "But it
shan't?" He turned upon her fiercely, held her hands, looked in her
face. "Maggie, do you swear that you'll love me always, whatever I am,
whatever I do?" "I swear," she answered, gazing into his eyes, "that
I'll love you always, whatever you are, whatever you do." Then she went
away, leaving him by the table, staring after her. In the street she
saw that her chrysanthemum was in pieces, torn and scattered and
destroyed. She slipped off the ring and put it into her pocket, then,
with forebodings in her heart, as though she did indeed know that her
good time was over, she turned towards home. She was right. Her good
time was over. That night she was left alone. Martha let her in and,
regarding her darkly, said nothing. The aunts also said nothing,
sitting all the evening under the green shade of the lamp in the
drawing-room, Aunt Anne reading a pamphlet, Aunt Elizabeth sewing.
Maggie pretended to read but she saw no words. She saw only the green
lamp like a dreadful bird suspended there and Aunt Anne's chiselled
sanctity. Over and over again she reasoned with herself. There was no
cause for panic. Nothing had happened to change things--and yet--and
yet everything was changed. Everything had been changed from that
moment when Martin pressed her hand in the theatre. Everything! ...
Danger now of every sort. She could be brave, she could meet anything
if she were only sure of Martin. But he too seemed strange to her. She
remembered his dark look, his frown when she had refused him. Oh, this
loneliness, this helplessness. If she could be with him, beside him,
she would fear nothing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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