He had lost now almost all consciousness of what he really expected to
happen when the Day arrived, but he was dimly aware that if nothing
happened at all his whole influence with his people would be gone.
Nevertheless this did not trouble him very greatly; the congregation of
the Chapel seemed now dimly remote. The only human being who was not
remote was Martin; his love for his son had not been touched by his
other struggles, it had been even intensified. But the love had grown a
terror, ever increasing, lest Martin should leave him. He seemed to
hear dimly, beyond the wall of the mysterious world into whose regions
he was ever more deeply passing, sentences, vague, without human
agency, accusing Martin of sins and infidelities and riotous living.
Sometimes he was tempted to go further into this and challenge Martin's
accusers, but fear held him back. Martin had been a good son since his
return to England, yes, he had, and he had forsaken his evil ways and
was going to be with his father now until the end, his last refuge
against loneliness. Every one else had left him or was leaving him, but
Martin was there. Martin hadn't deceived him, Martin was a good boy ...
a good boy ... and then, as it seemed to him, with Martin's hand in his
own he would pass off into his world of strange dreams and desperate
prayer and hours of waiting, listening, straining for a voice ...
During that last night before New Year's Eve an hour came to him when
he seemed to be left utterly alone. Exhausted, faint, dizzy with want
of sleep and food, he knelt before his bed; his room seemed to be
filled with devils, taunting him, tempting him, bewildering and
blinding him. He rose suddenly in a frenzy, striking out, rushing about
his room, crying ... then at last, exhausted, creeping back to his bed,
falling down upon it and sinking into a long dreamless sleep.
They found him sleeping when they came to call him and they left him.
He did not wake until the early afternoon; his brain seemed clear and
his body so weak that it was with the greatest difficulty that he
washed and put on some clothes.
The room was dark with the fog; lamps in the street below glimmered
uncertainly, and voices and the traffic of the street were muffled. He
opened his door and, looking out, heard in the room below Martin's
voice raised excitedly. Slowly he went down to meet him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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