"I know it's foolish of me," she said in her gentle voice, smiling her
charming smile. "They all tell me so. But if life isn't meant to be
beautiful, where are we? Everything must have a meaning, mustn't it,
Mrs. Trenchard, and however often we fail--and after all we are only
human--we must try, try again. I believe in seeing the best in people,
because then they live up to that. People are what we make them, don't
you think?"
"The woman's a fool," thought Maggie. Nevertheless, she liked her
kindness. She was so strangely driven. She wished to think of Martin
always, never to forget him, but at the same time not to think of the
life that was connected with him. She must never think of him as some
one who might return. Did that once begin all this present life would
be impossible--and she meant to make this new existence not only
possible but successful. Therefore she was building, so hard as she
could, this new house; the walls were rising, the rooms were prepared,
every window was barred, the doors were locked, no one from outside
should enter, and everything that belonged to it--Paul, Grace, the
Church, these women, Skeaton itself, her household duties, the
servants, everything and every one was pressed into service. She must
have so much to do that she could not think, she must like every one
else so much that she could not want any one else--that other world
must be kept out, no sound nor sight of it must enter ... If even she
could forget Martin. What had he said to her. "Promise me whatever I
am, whatever I do, you will love me always"--and she had promised. Here
she was married to Paul and loving Martin more than ever! As she looked
at Mrs. Constantine she wondered what she would say did she know that.
Nevertheless, she had not deceived Paul ... She had told him. She would
make this right. She would force this life to give her what she needed,
work and friends and a place in the world. Her face a little white with
her struggle to keep her house standing, she turned to her guests. She
was afraid that she did not play the hostess very well. She felt as
though she were play-acting. She repeated phrases that she had heard
Katherine Mark use, and laughed at herself for doing so. She suspected
that they thought her very odd, and she fancied that Mrs. Constantine
looked at her short hair with grave suspicion.
Afterwards, when she told Paul this, he was rather uncomfortable.
"It'll soon be long again, dear, won't it?" he said.
"Don't you like it short then?" she asked.
"Of course I like it, but there's no reason to be unusual, is there? We
don't want to seem different from other people, do we, darling?"
"I don't know," said Maggie. "We want to be ourselves. I don't think I
shall ever grow my hair long again. It's so much more comfortable like
this."
"If I ask you, dear," said Paul.
"No, not even if you ask me," she answered, laughing.
She noticed then, for the first time, that he could look sulky like a
small school-boy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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