"You and me." Maggie gathered her resources together. "Before we were
married we were great friends. You were the greatest friend I ever had
except Uncle Mathew. And now I don't know what we are."
"Whose fault is that?" he asked huskily. "You know what the matter is.
You don't love me. You never have ... Have you?" He suddenly ended,
turning towards her.
She saw his new eagerness and she was frightened, but she looked at a
little bunch of stars that twinkled at her above the dark elms and took
courage.
"I'm very bad at explaining my feelings," she said. "And you're not
very good either, Paul. I know I am very fond of you, and I feel as
though it ought to be so simple if I were wiser or kinder. I've been
thinking for weeks about this, and I want to say that I'm ready to do
anything that will make you happy."
"You'll love me?" he asked.
"I'm very fond of you, and I always will be."
"No, but love."
"A word like that isn't important. Affection--"
"No. It's love I want."
She turned away from him, pressing her hands together, staring into the
wood that was sinking into avenues of dark. She couldn't answer him. He
came over to her. He knelt on the dry grass, took her head between his
hands, and kissed her again and again and again.
She heard him murmur: "Maggie ... Maggie ... Maggie. You must love
me. You must. I've waited so long. I didn't know what love was. God in
His Mercy forgive me for the thoughts I've had this year. You've
tormented me. Tantalised me. You're a witch. A witch. You're so
strange, so odd, so unlike any one. You've enchanted me. Love me.
Maggie ... Love me ... Love me."
She caught his words all broken and scattered. She felt his heart
beating against her body, and his hands were hot to the touch of her
cold cheek. She felt that he was desperate and ashamed and pitiful. She
felt, above all else, that she must respond--and she could not. She
strove to give him what he needed. She caught his hands, and then,
because she knew that she was acting falsely and the whole of her
nature was in rebellion, she drew back. He felt her withdraw. His hands
dropped.
She burst into tears, suddenly hiding her face in her hands as she used
to do when she was a little girl.
"Oh, Paul," she wept. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm wicked. I
can't--"
He got up and stood with his back to her, looking towards the night sky
that flashed now with stars.
She controlled herself, feeling desperately that their whole future
together hung on the approaching minutes. She went up to him, standing
at first timidly behind him, then putting her hand through his arm.
"Paul. It isn't so hopeless. If I can't give you that I can give you
everything else. I told you from the first that I couldn't help loving
Martin. All that kind of love I gave to him, but we can be friends. I
want a friend so badly. If we're both lonely we can come together
closer and closer, and perhaps, later on--"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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