Germans -- Travel -- England -- Kent -- Fiction; Humorous stories
Looking about me, up at the sky, and round the horizon, as though intent
on thoughts of weather, I inconspicuously edged toward the market garden
and the gate. With a man in the garden searching for slugs I spent a
moment or two conversing, and then, a backward glance having assured me
the caravaners were still drooping in listless preparation round the
stew-pot, I sauntered, humming, through the gate.
Immediately I ran into Jellaby, who, a bucket of water in each hand, was
panting along the road.
“Hullo, Baron,” he gasped; “enjoying yourself?”
“I am going,” said I with much presence of mind combined with the
seriousness that repudiates any idea of enjoyment, “to buy some matches.
Ours are running short.”
“Oh,” said he, plumping down his buckets and fumbling among the folds of
his flappy clothes, “I can lend you some. Here you are.”
And he held out a box.
“Jellaby,” said I, “what is one box to a whole--shall we call it
household? My wife requires many matches. She is constantly striking
them. It is her husband’s duty to see that she has enough. Keep yours.
And farewell.”
And walking at a pace that prohibited pursuit by a man with buckets I
left him.
I have had so many dinners in dining-rooms since that one at Canterbury,
ordered repasts without grease and that kept hot, that the wonder of it
has lost in my memory much of its first brightness. You, my hearers, who
dine as I now do regularly and well, would hardly if I could still
describe be able to enter into my feelings. I found a cool room in an
inn with the pleasantly un-English name _Fleur de Lys_, and a
sympathetic waiter who fell in at once with my views about fresh air and
shut all the windows. I had a newspaper, and I sipped a cognac while the
meal was preparing. I ordered everything on the list except bacon,
chickens, and sausages. I also would not eat potatoes, and declined, as
a vegetable, cabbage. I drank much wine, full-bodied and generous, but I
refused after dinner to drink coffee.
Filled and hallowed, once more in thorough tune with myself and life and
ready to take any further experiences the day might bring with unruffled
geniality, I left toward dusk the temple that had thus blest me (after
debating within myself whether it would not be prudent having regard to
the future in further lanes and fields to sup first, and regretfully
realizing that I could not), and leisurely made my way across the street
to that other temple, whose bells announced the inevitable service.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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