England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Love stories; Social classes -- England -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
Unless the mind is perfectly at peace with itself, she knew it could
never have magnetic force to propel its desires, and must lose
confidence and so fail to reach its goal. This she realised fully. Her
particular type and logical brain, weighing all matters without
sentiment, totally uninfluenced by orthodox ideas as to morality if such
orthodox ideas did not seem to be supported by common sense, caused her
to feel no guilt, nor any so-called conscience prickings on having taken
Lord Algy as a lover. They had both been free and were injuring none. To
her it appeared no sin, merely that such actions, not being sanctioned
by custom, would inevitably draw upon those who committed them the
penalty attached to breaking any laws, even should they be only those of
conventionality.
But beyond all this, there was another and quite newly experienced
emotion troubling her. It had arisen sharply and suddenly in her breast,
born of that strange thrill she had felt when the Duke had kissed her
hand----What if he--the man himself--should grow to matter to
her--matter as Algy had done, quite apart from his Dukedom and his being
the medium through which she could gratify her ambitions?
What a unique, subtle, extraordinary emotion she had experienced! She
must keep her head; she must not give way to such things. How hateful,
how unbearable it would be if one day she should see disgust and
contempt in those dark-blue eyes, instead of the look of homage which
had preceded the kiss!
Then she scolded herself. To fear was to draw inevitably the thing
feared. She must have no fears and no regrets. She must pursue her plan
with intelligence, and if the feeling that she was using deception grew
to be insupportable, then she must have courage to face the result of
her own past action, and she must admit herself beaten and retire from
the game. She went over the chances of discovery. Lord Algy would never
give her away; she had calculated upon that fact when she had chosen an
aristocrat for her partner in initiation. There remained only the valet
Hanson, who had seen her often enough possibly to recognise her again.
But he did not know her real name, and had shown no interest in her--too
accustomed, probably, to the changes in his master's fancies to remark
upon individuals. Also, she was so completely altered since those days,
no casual remembrance Hanson might have kept of her would be likely to
revive if he chanced to see her now.
The odds were ten thousand to one that neither the Duke nor anyone else
would ever know of her adventure. It thus resolved itself only into a
question for her own honest soul to decide.
The common sense way to look at everything was that the time for these
heart-searchings was not yet; and that her energies must be concentrated
upon continuing to profit by the results of her first sensible action in
making the impression upon the Duke's imagination unbiased by class
prejudices.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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