So his "little girl" got the letter and cried largely and with vast resources and, as we say, "braced up." "He is good, my Jim," she said to herself; "and I'll meet him half way, God bless him! I know a professor too, and I'll see him." So each went to a professor. Professor McFlush was the doctor whose portrait accompanied an advertisement regularly in the Sunday papers, and whom the Ossified Man had in mind. He didn't hesitate an instant after an examination of what there was of his patient. "I'll cure you in no time if you follow my directions," he declared. "My Sulphuretted Tablets will knock out the ossification and as for the rest it's all diet." "What diet?" asked the Ossified Man. "Hash!" roared the doctor. "Do you drink much?" "Naw," said the Ossified Man. "Well, you've got to--hash--hash and porter. Hash is fattening, the potatoes in it does it. Porter is fattening, the malt in it does it. Them and my tablets together will do the business--seventeen tablets a day--dollar a bottle, thirty-four in a bottle. Five tablets before breakfast, and for breakfast hash and two bottles of porter. Dinner the same; supper the same. Anything else you want eat or drink all day long. Last two tablets just before you go to bed. Get your prescriptions filled here. Get your porter over at Johnson's wholesale grocery, I've made an arrangement with him. Ten dollars. Report weekly. Good day." And the Ossified Man took up his task for Love's sake. It was to Professor Slocum that the Fat Woman went. Professor Slocum was brisk and small but he had a way with the ladies. The Fat Woman believed in him implicitly from the moment they met. "Do you eat much?" was the first query of the Professor. "Yes sir, considerable." "Do you drink much?" "Yes sir, some ale, and water most all the time." "Madam, I am astonished! Keep on with that diet and you'll weigh half a ton before you die, and you'll die within six months." The Fat Woman gasped and turned pallid. She was influenced not only by love but by acute alarm. The Professor looked upon her benignly. "Madam," he said, "I can save you. My condensed Food Tablets and my Spirituelle Waters will do the business. The tablets will afford you sufficient sustenance for existence without affording any element for the increase of adipose tissue, while my Spirituelle Waters will gratify your thirst--the more you drink of them the better--while, at the same time, they will exercise an influence of their own. Get your tablets here at this office--fifty cents a hundred--Spirituelle Waters here too--quart bottles, twenty-five cents a bottle. Prescription: ten tablets and one bottle of the water to a meal; another bottle of the Waters before retiring. Drink all the Spirituelle Water you want during the day. Ten dollars. Report fortnightly. Good afternoon."