The Catholic World, Vol. 13, April to September, 1871Various
Religion
The Catholic World, Vol. 13, April to September, 1871
Various
Catholic Church -- Periodicals
For a time we did correspond very regularly--for nearly a year.
During this period her life was an unpausing whirl of dissipation.
Balls, visits, operas, and concerts during the season in town were
succeeded in the country by more balls, and hunting, and skating, and
the usual round of amusements that make up a gay country life. Mary
was everywhere the beauty of the place, the admired of all admirers.
Strange to say, in spite of her acknowledged supremacy, she made no
enemies. Perhaps it would have been stranger still if she had. Her
sweet, artless manner and perfect unconsciousness of self went for
at least as much in the admiration she excited as her beauty. If she
danced every dance at every ball, it was never once for the pleasure
of saying she did it, of triumphing over other girls, but for the
genuine pleasure of the dance itself.
Her success was so gratuitous, so little the result of coquetry on
her side, that, however much it might be envied, it was impossible to
resent it.
I am not trying to make out a case for Mary, or to excuse, still
less justify, the levity of the life she was leading at this time.
My only aim is to convey a true idea of the spirit in which she was
leading it--mere exuberance of spirits, the zest of youth in the gay
opportunities that were showered upon her path. She was revelling
like a butterfly in flowers and sunshine. The spirit of worldliness
in its true and worst sense did not possess her; did not even touch
her. Its cankerous breath had not blown upon her soul and blighted
it; the worm had not eaten into her heart and hardened it. Both were
still sound--only drunk; intoxicated with the wine of life. She went
waltzing through flames, like a moth round a candle; like a child
letting off rockets, and clapping hands with delight at the pretty
blue blaze, without fear or thought of danger. There was no such
thing as premeditated infidelity in her mind. She was not playing
a deliberate game with God; bidding him wait till she was ready,
till she was tired of the world and the world of her. No, she was
utterly incapable of such a base and guilty calculation. She had
simply forgotten that she had a soul to save. The still, small voice
that had spoken to her in earlier days, especially on that night of
the 15th of January, stirring the sleeping depths, and calling out
momentary yearnings toward the higher life, had altogether ceased
its pleadings. How could that mysterious whisper make itself heard
in such a din and clangor of unholy music? There was no silent spot
in her soul where it could enter and find a listener. But Mary did
not think about it. She was inebriated with youth and joy, and had
flung herself into the vortex, and raced round with it till her head
reeled. On the surface, all was ripple and foam, rings running round
and round; but the depths below were sleeping. The one, the visible
hold that she retained on God at this time was her love for his poor.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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