Love. What was it to be the adored of the town when the one man on whom
her own eyes waited knew her very triumph to involve disgrace?
Supposing, even supposing, that her birth equalled his own, that he were
less than a great Peer of England and she more than a poor lieutenant’s
daughter, supposing she were lovely as the fabled Helen, with all the
enchantments of Circe added, how could this or aught else rub out the
blot that she was but a puppet at whom every rake might stare and form
his loose conjectures? True, noblemen as great had condescended to the
stage for their pleasures, but that served her nothing. There was a
something in her heart that told her the man’s respect for her girlhood
would close that door for ever, nor could she wish it otherwise. While,
as for anything more, she trembled with shame that even a regret for a
thing so impossible should cross her mind. O that she had never seen him
but eyeing her on the stage with cold admiration as she played her
Newgate part to the life. Alas for the Duchess’s mistaken favour that
had taken her from her own humble sphere and set her in one in which
however her own heart made her native, her circumstances made her but a
tolerated intruder.
So far reason carried her, and then her thoughts were words no
longer—but dreams, longings, griefs. Longings for a voice best forgot,
for a face—better she had never seen it; for a friend high, gracious,
endearing, that made all others as nothing to her and to whom she
herself could be nothing but a passing thought. ’Tis the man should look
up, not the woman. Before marriage, at least, hers is the throne, but
here was this beggar-maid kneeling on the lowest step, her face hidden
in her hands for shame, whilst King Cophetua gazed beyond her into
regions she must never know.
And he himself so comfortless! There lay the sharpest sting. Suppose she
could change places with the shining and lovely lady who had talked with
her so condescending—Were she the Lady Fanny Armine—yet
herself!—might there be more than a few words of praise? So in
imagination she saw the proud eyes soften, the stern mouth relax,—the
high courtesy break into the wonderment of passion. His arms—his
lips—.
Thus lost in dreams unspeakable she past along the rainy streets, and
never heeded how the time went by. At last the chair drew up. The men at
the house must have forgot the flambeaux—so dark it was as she looked
forth. The roof was raised and, sudden, a cloth soft and blinding fell
over her head, and strong hands pulled it about her throat. In the
dreadful surprise and alarm she screamed aloud, but the wild cry was
muffled in her mouth and herself could more feel than hear it. Her hands
were grasped in two strong ones and a man dragged her from the chair.
There was a whispering, and then a door opened and in the darkness and
terror she knew she was lifted into a house and the door shut behind
them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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