Women -- Social and moral questions; Women -- Social conditions
"Madame Recamier for years had a circle of friends who met every
afternoon in her _salon_ from four to six o'clock, for the simple and
sole pleasure of talking with each other. The very first wits and men
of letters and statesmen and _savans_ were enrolled in it, and each
brought to the entertainment some choice _morceau_ which he had laid
aside from his own particular field to add to the feast. The daily
intimacy gave each one such perfect insight into all the others' habits
of thought, tastes, and preferences, that the conversation was like the
celebrated music of the _Conservatoire_ in Paris, a concert of perfectly
chorded instruments taught by long habit of harmonious intercourse to
keep exact time and tune together.
"_Real_ conversation presupposes intimate acquaintance. People must see
each other often enough to wear off the rough bark and outside rind of
commonplaces and conventionalities in which their real ideas are
enwrapped, and give forth without reserve their innermost and best
feelings. Now what is called a large party is the first and rudest form
of social intercourse. The most we can say of it is, that it is better
than nothing. Men and women are crowded together like cattle in a pen.
They look at each other, they jostle each other, exchange a few common
bleatings, and eat together; and so the performance terminates. One may
be crushed evening after evening against men or women, and learn very
little about them. You may decide that a lady is good-tempered, when any
amount of trampling on the skirt of her new silk dress brings no cloud
to her brow. But _is_ it good temper, or only wanton carelessness, which
cares nothing for waste? You can see that a man is not a gentleman who
squares his back to ladies at the supper-table, and devours boned turkey
and _paté de fois gras_, while they vainly reach over and around him for
something, and that another is a gentleman so far as to prefer the care
of his weaker neighbors to the immediate indulgence of his own
appetites; but further than this you learn little. Sometimes, it is
true, in some secluded corner, two people of fine nervous system,
undisturbed by the general confusion, may have a sociable half-hour, and
really part feeling that they like each other better, and know more of
each other than before. Yet these general gatherings have, after all,
their value. They are not so good as something better would be, but they
cannot be wholly dispensed with. It is far better that Mrs. Bogus should
give an annual party, when she takes down all her bedsteads and throws
open her whole house, than that she should never see her friends and
neighbors inside her doors at all. She may feel that she has neither the
taste nor the talent for constant small reunions. Such things, she may
feel, require a social tact which she has not. She would be utterly at a
loss how to conduct them. Each one would cost her as much anxiety and
thought as her annual gathering, and prove a failure after all; whereas
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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