The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures, Bons Mots, Puns, and Hoaxes of Theodore HookHook, Theodore Edward
General
The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures, Bons Mots, Puns, and Hoaxes of Theodore Hook
Hook, Theodore Edward
English wit and humor
But Mr. Brown seems not only to find fault with mental improvement,
but also with mechanical and scientific discoveries--he sneers at
steam and growls at gas. I contend that the utility of constructing
a coach which shall go by hot water nearly as fast as two horses can
draw it, at a trifling additional expense, promises to be wonderfully
useful. We go too fast, sir, with horses--besides, horses eat oats,
and farmers live by selling oats; if, therefore, by inconveniencing
ourselves and occasionally risking our lives, we can, however
imperfectly, accomplish by steam what is now done by horses, we get
rid of the whole race of oat-sowers, oat-sellers, oat-eaters, and
oat-stealers, vulgarly called ostlers.
Gas too--what a splendid invention--we gain a magnificent
light, and ruin the oil-merchants, the whale-fisheries, and the
wax-chandlers--it is as economical as it is brilliant;--to be sure we
use more coals, but the coal-merchants are all worthy men, and never
take advantage of a frost to advance the price of their commodity;
coals are evidently, however, not so essentially necessary to the
poor as wax candles; therefore, even supposing the price of coals
to be raised, and their value enhanced, we light our streets more
splendidly, and our houses more economically.
Mr. Brown seems to dislike the over-brilliancy of the gas in the
public ways, as tending to destroy the legitimate distinction between
day and night. I admit this innovation--but let me beg to say, that
until gas was brought to the perfection it now is, for external
illumination, we never could see the unhappy women who are driven to
walk the streets at night, so plainly following their avocations,
or ever were indulged with the pleasing prospect of our watchmen
slumbering in their wooden sanctums, at the corners of the streets.
Mr. Brown appears to dislike Mr. Mac Adam's improvements; these I
defend upon several principles; one which I conceive to be extremely
important, is, the constant employment they afford to the sweepers
of crossings, without whose active exertions no man could ever pass
from one side of the street to the other; and another which I firmly
believe to be conducive to the improvement of the mind--I mean the
activity with which the eye, and the ear, and the understanding must
be constantly kept, in order that the individual walking may escape
being run over; superadded to which, there is the admirable manure
which the sweepings provide for the land.
In short, most of the objects of Mr. Brown's vituperation are objects
of my respect, and I take the liberty of writing this, in order
that he may, if he chooses, enter into a public disputation upon
the several points at issue; for which purpose, if he will direct
a letter to me under cover to you, I will appoint a time and place
where the merits and demerits of the present age may be temperately,
calmly, and dispassionately discussed between us.
I am, Sir,
Your obedient servant,
RICHARD WHITE.
PUNNING.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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