The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures, Bons Mots, Puns, and Hoaxes of Theodore HookHook, Theodore Edward
General
The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures, Bons Mots, Puns, and Hoaxes of Theodore Hook
Hook, Theodore Edward
English wit and humor
"Englishmen who do not belong to the aristocracy, and are not
very rich, usually travel without a servant by the mail or
stage-coach, which deposits them at the inn. The man who waits
on strangers to the coach, cleans their boots, etc., has the
universal appellation of 'Boots.' It is, accordingly, 'Boots'
who brings your slippers, helps you to pull off your boots, and
then departs, first asking at what time you will have, not, as
in Germany, your coffee, but your hot water to shave. He appears
with it punctually at the appointed hour, and brings your clothes
cleanly brushed. The traveller then hastens to dress himself and
to return to his beloved coffee-room, where the ingredients of
breakfast are richly spread upon his table. To this meal he seems
to bring more animation than to any other, and indeed I think
more appetite; for the number of cups of tea, the masses of bread
and butter, eggs and cold meat, which he devours, awaken silent
envy in the breast, or rather in the stomach, of the less capable
foreigner. He is now not only permitted, but enjoined (by custom
his gospel) to read. At every cup of tea he unfolds a newspaper
of the size of a table-cloth. Not a single speech, crim. con.,
murder, or other catastrophe, invented by the 'accident maker' in
London, escapes him.
"Like one who would rather die of a surfeit than leave anything
uneaten which he had paid for, the systematic Englishman thinks
that, having called for a newspaper, he ought not to leave a
letter of it unread. By this means his breakfast lasts several
hours, and the sixth or seventh cup is drunk cold. I have seen
this glorious meal protracted so long that it blended with
dinner; and you will hardly believe me when I assure you, that a
light supper followed at midnight without the company quitting
the table."--Pp. 209-212.
The correctness of this picture is striking; but we do not exactly
trace the sequence of thought within his highness's illustrious
breast which conducts him from this analysis of coffee-house
breakfasts, through a few more uncalled-for insinuations of contempt
for the individuals at whose houses he had been visiting, to the
grand reflection with which it pleases him to close, p. 234, viz.,
"Nevertheless, the English nobleman, even the least of the lords, in
the bottom of his heart, thinks himself a better man than the king of
France." This, written A.D. 1828, appears to be gratuitous malice;
though, as to being a better man than the king of France, if there be
truth in Hennequin, we certainly hope there is hardly an Englishman,
whether great lord or little gentleman, amongst us--liable as we are
to the charge of stealing pocket-books from living princes,--who
would, in January, 1832, be ambitious to change characters with the
actual occupant of the Tuileries.
At page 218, this exemplary advocate of Popish emancipation in
Ireland, lets slip the following simple and natural observations:--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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