Why is the Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland like a man inquiring what o'clock it is?--Because he is _as King_ for the time. If a pair of spectacles could speak, what author would they name?--Eusebius--(You see by us.) Why is a flourishing landlord sure to have plenty of relatives?--Because he must have _Ten-ants_. What are the best shoes for wet weather?--_Pumps._ Why is a sermon on board ship like Sir Edward Codrington's red ribband?--Because it is a _deck oration_. Why is a very little devil sitting on the top of a cow-house like a man who has squandered all his property?--Because he is _Imp over a shed_. What sea would one wish to be in on a rainy night?--_A dry attic._ Why is a libeller in Newgate like a traveller who has caught a rheumatism at a bad inn?--Because he suffers for lying in damp sheets! Why is a gentleman in a Calais packet on a stormy day, like a gentleman sailing in part of the Mediterranean?--Because he is amongst the _Cyclades_. Why are glass coaches so plentiful in London?--Because they are without number. When is a door not a door?--When it is _a-jar_. When is it more than a door?--When 'tis _to_! Why is the root of the tongue like a dejected man?--Because it is _down in the mouth_! Why is a hired landau not a landau?--Because it is a _landau let_! Why is a lean Monarch constantly worrying himself?--Because he is always _a thin king_! Why is a Tragedy a more natural performance in a theatre than a Comedy?--Because the boxes are always in _Tiers_! Why is Parliament-street like a compendium?--Because it goes to _a bridge_! If all the alphabet were invited to dinner, why could they not all accept the invitation?--Because six of them come after T. Why is a boy doing his first sums like a serpent erect?--Because he is an _adder-up_! And last, dear Mr. B. (which I will not tell you), Why am I like a sheep's tail? Yours always, DOROTHEA R. _Note._--Several of the above, with all respect to our dear friend Dorothea, are extracted from that excellent paper the _Berkshire Chronicle_, and others from a small book called "D'ye give it up?" sold at a Charitable Bazaar, established at Kensington. J.B. XVII. A LETTER FROM CHELTENHAM. TO JOHN BULL. Cheltenham, April 11, 1828. MY DEAR B.,--I have been prevented writing you of late; two of my youngest daughters have had the mizzles, which has been succeeded by a cough and considerable expectation, but I have changed my doctor, and shall do uncommon well now. The last person, who fancies himself a second Hippocrite, had the impotence to say my girls had a low fever--girls brought up as they have been, like duchesses--so I said nothing; but when he called again, I was denied to him and sent for his arrival; and we are all going on well, and keep up our spirits accordingly.