When she came to herself again she was out in the dark back street, and
the snow was hard and dirty under foot, and the wind was high and cold,
and she was running along and crying like a disappointed child.
The bitterest part of it all was the crushing certainty that she had no
talents and no chances of success, and that the man had only painted up
his fancy picture as a means of deceiving her. Oh, the misery of being a
woman! Oh, the cruelty of this great, glorious, devilish London, where a
girl, if she was poor and alone, could live only by her looks!
With God knows what lingering remnant of expectation, but feeling broken
and beaten after her brave fight for life, and with the weak woman
uppermost at last, she had turned toward the hospital. It was nearly
half-past eleven when she got there, and Big Ben was chiming the half
hour as she ascended the steps. Bracing herself up, she looked in at the
porter's door with a face that was doing its best to smile.
“Any letters to-night, porter?”
“Not to-night, miss.”
“No? Well--none to get, none to answer, you know. Happy New Year to
you!”
But there was a sob in her laughter, and the man said: “I'd be sorry to
miss your face, nurse, but if you'll leave your address I'll send your
letters on and save you the journey so late at night.”
“Oh, no-no, there'll be no more letters now, porter, and--I'll not come
again. Here!”
“No, no, miss.”
“Yes, yes, you must.”
She forced a shilling into the porter's hand in spite of his protests,
and then fled from the look in his face which seemed to her to say that
he would like to return her sixpence.
John Storm was lost to her. It was foolishness to go on expecting
to hear from him. Had he not told her that the rule under which the
brothers lived in community forbade them to write and receive letters
except by special permission? But she had expected that something would
happen--some accident, some miracle, she hardly knew what. That dream
was over now; she was alone; it was no use deceiving herself any longer.
She went home by the back streets, for people were peering into her
face, and she thought perhaps she had been crying. Late as it was, being
New Year's Eve, there were groups about every corner, and in some of the
flagged courts and alleys little girls were dancing to the music of the
Italian organ man or turning catherine-wheels. As she was going down
Long Acre a creachy voice saluted her.
“Evening, miss! Going home early, ain't ye?”
It was a miserable-looking woman in clothes that might have been stolen
from a scarecrow.
“Market full to-night, my dear? Look as if the dodgers had been at ye.
Live? I live off of the lane. But lor' bless ye, I've lived in a-many
places! Seen the day I lived in Soho Square. I was on the 'alls then.
Got a bit quisby on my top notes, you know, and took the scarlet
fever--soldier, I mean, my dear. But what's the use of frettin'?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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