There was silence; both were gazing into the fire, and Glory's mouth
was quivering. All at once she said: “John--John Storm, why can't you
understand that it's not the same with me as with other women? There
seem to be two women in me always. After I left the hospital I went
through a good deal. Nobody will ever know how much I went through. But
even at the worst, somehow I seemed to enjoy and rejoice in everything.
Things happened that made me cry, but there was another me that was
laughing. And that's how it is with the life I am living now. It is not
I myself that go through this--this mire, as you call it, it's only my
other self, my lower self, if you like, but I am not touched by it at
all. Don't you see that? Don't you, now?”
“There are professions which are a source of temptation, and talents
that are a snare, Glory----”
“I see, I see what you mean. There are not many ways a woman can succeed
in--that's the cruelty of things. But there are a few, and I've chosen
the one I'm fit for. And now, now that I've escaped from all that
misery, that meanness, and have brought the eyes of London upon me, and
the world is full of smiles for me, and sunshine, and I am happy, you
come at last, you that I couldn't find when I wanted you so much--oh,
so much!--because you had forgotten me; you come to me out of a darkness
like the grave and tell me to give it all up. Yes, yes, yes, that's what
you mean--give it all up! Oh, it's cruel!”
She covered her face with her hands and sobbed. He bent over her with a
sorrowful face and said, “My child, if I have come out of a darkness
as of the grave it is because I had _not_ forgotten you there, but was
thinking of you every day and hour.”
Her sobbing ceased, but the tears still flowed through her fingers.
“Before that poor lad abandoned hope he came out into the world
too-stole out-thinking to find his lost one. I told him to look for you
first, and he went to the hospital.”
“I saw him.”
“You!”
“It was on New Year's Eve. He passed me in the street.”
“Ah!--Well, he came back anyway, and said you were gone, and all trace
of you was lost. Did I forget you after that, Glory?”
His husky voice broke off suddenly, and he rose with a look of
wretchedness. “You are right, there are two selves in you, and the
higher self is so pure, so strong, so unselfish, so noble--Oh, I am sure
of it, Glory! Only there's no one to speak to it, no one. I try, but I
can not.”
She was still crying behind her hands.
“And meanwhile the lower self--there are only too many to speak to
_that_----”
Her hands came down from her disordered face and she said, “I know whom
you mean.”
“I mean the world.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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