"At least I suppose it isn't harmful," said Hal desperately.
"No more than any other good ol' booze. It won't hurt a well man. I used
to soak up quite a bit of it myself till my doc gave me an option on
dyin' of Bright's disease or quittin'."
"Bright's disease!" exclaimed Hal.
"Oh, yes, I know: we cure Bright's disease, don't we? Well, if there's
anything worse for old George W. Bright's favorite ailment than raw
alcohol, then my high-priced physizzian don't know his business."
"Let me get this straight," said Hal with a white face. "Do I understand
that Certina--"
"Say, wassa matter?" broke in Certina Charley, in concern; "you look
sick."
"Never mind me. You go on and tell me the truth about this thing."
"I guess I been talkin' too much," muttered Certina Charley, dismayed.
He gulped down the last of his champagne with a tremulous hand. "This's
my second bottle," he explained. "An' brandy in between. Say, I thought
you knew all about the business."
"I know enough about it now so that I've got to know the rest."
"You--you won't gimme away to the Chief? I didn't mean to show up his
game. I'm--I'm pretty strong for the old boy, myself."
"I won't give you away. Go on."
"Whaddye want to know, else?"
"Is there _anything_ that Certina is good for?"
"Sure! Didn't I tell you? It's the finest bracer--"
"As a cure?"
"It's just as good as any other prup-proprietary."
"That isn't the question. You say it is harmful in Bright's disease."
"Why, looka here, Mr. Surtaine, you know yourself that booze is poison
to any feller with kidney trouble. Rheumatism, too, for that matter. But
they get the brace, and they think they're better, and that helps push
the trade, too."
"And that's where my money came from," said Hal, half to himself.
"It's all in the trade," cried Certina Charley, summoning his powers to
a defense. "There's lots that's worse. There's the cocaine dopes for
catarrh; they'll send a well man straight to hell in six months. There's
the baby dopes; and the G-U cures that keep the disease going when right
treatment could cure it; and the methylene blue--"
"Stop it! Stop it!" cried Hal. "I've heard enough."
Alcohol, the juggler with men's thoughts, abruptly pressed upon a new
center of ideation in Certina Charley's brain.
"D'you think I like it?" he sniveled, with lachrymose sentimentality.
"I gotta make a living, haven't I? Here's you and me, two pretty decent
young fellers, having to live on a fake. Well," he added with solacing
philosophy, "if we didn't get it, somebody else would."
"Tell me one thing," said Hal, getting to his feet. "Does my father know
all this that you've been telling me?"
"Does the Chief _know_ it? _Does_ he? Why, say, my boy, Ol' Doc
Surtaine, he _wrote_ the proprietary medicine business!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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