The Clean HeartHutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Science
The Clean Heart
Hutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Authors -- Fiction; Happiness -- Fiction
These are evenings of early summer, and they have early summer's
dusky veils draped down from starry skies. Her pleasant scents they
have, her gentle airs, her after-hush of all her daylight choirs.
They but enfever Mr. Wriford. Her young nights, these, that not
arrest her days but softly steal about her, finger on lip attend her
while she sleeps, then snatch their filmy coverlets while eastward
she rubs her smiling eyes, springs from her slumber, breaks into
music all her morning hymns, and up and all about in sudden radiance
rides, rides in maiden loveliness. Ah, not for him!
These are young nights that greet him as he leaves the school. In
much affliction he cries out upon their stilly peace. Look, here
that new year in summer is, her peace, her happiness attained, that
from the windows of the ward at Pendra he had watched blown here and
there, mocked, trampled on, caught by the throat and thrust beneath
the iron ground in variance with winter's jealousy. In her he had
envisaged his own stress. Look, here she reigns in happy peace, in
ordered quiet: he?
He moans a little as he walks. There is something in life that he
has missed, and to its discovery he can bring no more than this--that
it rests not in violent disregard of what happens to him or what he
does, for that he has proved empty; nor rests in the ease that, by
communication with London, might be his, for that inflicts return to
the old self, hatred and fear of whom had driven him away. Where
then? And then it is he moans. His mind presents him none but these
alternatives; his mind, when miserably he rejects them, threateningly
turns them upon him in forms of fear. "Well, you have got to live,"
his mind threatens him. "To-morrow you shall perhaps be turned out
from this post at the school. You will have to face anew some means
of life; you will have to suffer what has to be suffered in that
part; face men and submit to their treatment of such as you, or face
them and find fierceness sufficient to defy them."
"No, no!" he cries. "No, no!" He fears his powers of endurance,
fears that beneath those trials he will be driven back to where is
turned upon him the other threat. "Well, you must go back," his
thoughts threaten him. "Money and comfort await you in London for
your asking. You must go back to what you were. Live at ease in
seclusion, if you will; ah, with your old way of life to tell you
hourly that now it has you chained--that now you have tried escape,
proved it impossible, and never again can escape it!"
He cries aloud: "No, no!" He moans for his abject hopelessness. He
trembles for his fears at these his threats. Under his misery he
wanders away from the direction of the little plumber's shop, hating
to enter it and to its brightness expose his suffering; under his
fears he hastens to it, clinging to this present occupation lest,
losing it, one of the threats that threaten him unsheaths its sword
upon him.
VI
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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