The Clean HeartHutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Science
The Clean Heart
Hutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Authors -- Fiction; Happiness -- Fiction
"Return to life"--that was the phrase. Essie's words--"Hasn't being
engaged made you different, though?"--that was the illustration of
it. Return to life! Ay, that was it, ay, that was his, far, far
more truly, with wonder of rebirth immeasurably more, than ever
Lessingham or any one in all the world could know. There was thrill
in that very thought that none but himself knew its heights, its
volume, its singing, its radiant intensity. That knowledge was his
own as in the immediate future his life was to be his own--life
without a care, life without a tie, life of complete abandonment to
pleasure of work, to pleasure of sheer pleasure, to pleasure of jolly
little Essie always to turn to, to look after, to make happy, and yet
always to know of her that if he wished--he never would so wish--he
could be rid of her: no tie, no bond--happiness, freedom; freedom,
happiness!
This was the state to which, with a sudden, ecstatic soaring as it
were, he had swung away from the evening of saying "I love you,
Essie," and of posting his letter, through these laughing days at
Whitecliffe Sands, to now when arrival of the honeymoon ticket made
him all ready for the final step. Once that declaration of the love
he did not feel--as Essie understood love--had been made, his
scrupulous withholding from it lay strewn about his feet as matter of
no more regard than the torn wrappings of a casket from which there
has been taken a very precious prize. That declaration sealed her to
him; and through those intervening days while the letter was awaited,
constantly he repeated it, constantly embellished it. He mocked, he
almost upbraided himself for his old scruples at it. Why, it was her
due, her right, he told himself. She should be happy with him--that
was his resolve: never should regret, never suffer. Why, how
possibly could she be happy, how avoid pains of regret, if she were
not assured that he loved her?
So he gave her this bond--that was her due--of his love; so with each
day, each hour, each moment of Whitecliffe in her company he became
more and more assured of her. Assured! He was convinced. There was
not a glance from her eyes, not a sound from her lips, not a touch of
her hand but informed him that she was his to do with as he would,
come any test that he might put her to. Return to life! Why, this
freedom, this happiness, was but the threshold of it. Return to
life! He imaged all the darkness he had come through and damned it
in exultant triumph at all its terrors trampled under foot: night,
darker than deepest summer darkness here, he had known; day, of which
these burning cloudless days of holiday were sign and symbol, now was
his, and brighter still awaited him....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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