The Clicking of CuthbertWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Clicking of Cuthbert
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Golf stories; Humorous stories
And, followed by the Vizier, the King made his way into the garden. The
Vizier was now in a state of some apprehension. He was exercised in his
mind as to the effect which the embracing of a new religion by the King
might have on the formidable Church party. It would be certain to cause
displeasure among the priesthood; and in those days it was a ticklish
business to offend the priesthood, even for a monarch. And, if
Merolchazzar had a fault, it was a tendency to be a little tactless in
his dealings with that powerful body. Only a few mornings back the High
Priest of Hec had taken the Vizier aside to complain about the quality
of the meat which the King had been using lately for his sacrifices. He
might be a child in worldly matters, said the High Priest, but if the
King supposed that he did not know the difference between home-grown
domestic and frozen imported foreign, it was time his Majesty was
disabused of the idea. If, on top of this little unpleasantness, King
Merolchazzar were to become an adherent of this new Gowf, the Vizier
did not know what might not happen.
The King stood beside the bearded foreigner, watching him closely. The
second stone soared neatly on to the terrace. Merolchazzar uttered an
excited cry. His eyes were glowing, and he breathed quickly.
"It doesn't look difficult," he muttered.
"Hoo's!" said the bearded man.
"I believe I could do it," went on the King, feverishly. "By the eight
green gods of the mountain, I believe I could! By the holy fire that
burns night and day before the altar of Belus, I'm _sure_ I could!
By Hec, I'm going to do it now! Gimme that hoe!"
"Toots!" said the bearded man.
It seemed to the King that the fellow spoke derisively, and his blood
boiled angrily. He seized the hoe and raised it above his shoulder,
bracing himself solidly on widely-parted feet. His pose was an exact
reproduction of the one in which the Court sculptor had depicted him
when working on the life-size statue ("Our Athletic King") which stood
in the principal square of the city; but it did not impress the
stranger. He uttered a discordant laugh.
"Ye puir gonuph!" he cried, "whitkin' o' a staunce is that?"
The King was hurt. Hitherto the attitude had been generally admired.
"It's the way I always stand when killing lions," he said. "'In killing
lions,'" he added, quoting from the well-known treatise of Nimrod, the
recognized text-book on the sport, "'the weight at the top of the swing
should be evenly balanced on both feet.'"
"Ah, weel, ye're no killing lions the noo. Ye're gowfing."
A sudden humility descended upon the King. He felt, as so many men were
to feel in similar circumstances in ages to come, as though he were a
child looking eagerly for guidance to an all-wise master--a child,
moreover, handicapped by water on the brain, feet three sizes too large
for him, and hands consisting mainly of thumbs.
"O thou of noble ancestors and agreeable disposition!" he said, humbly.
"Teach me the true way."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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