The Clicking of CuthbertWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Clicking of Cuthbert
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Golf stories; Humorous stories
"Certainly. You wouldn't have had me be abrupt, would you? I went into
his private office and found him alone. I think at first he would have
been just as well pleased if I had retired. In fact, he said as much.
But I soon adjusted that outlook. I took a seat and a cigarette, and
then I started to sketch out for him the history of my connection with
the firm. He began to wilt before the end of the first ten minutes. At
the quarter of an hour mark he was looking at me like a lost dog that's
just found its owner. By the half-hour he was making little bleating
noises and massaging my coat-sleeve. And when, after perhaps an hour
and a half, I came to my peroration and suggested a rise, he choked
back a sob, gave me double what I had asked, and invited me to dine at
his club next Tuesday. I'm a little sorry now I cut the thing so short.
A few minutes more, and I fancy he would have given me his
sock-suspenders and made over his life-insurance in my favour."
"Well," I said, as soon as I could speak, for I was finding my young
friend a trifle overpowering, "this is most satisfactory."
"So-so," said George. "Not un-so-so. A man wants an addition to his
income when he is going to get married."
"Ah!" I said. "That, of course, will be the real test."
"What do you mean?"
"Why, when you propose to Celia Tennant. You remember you were saying
when we spoke of this before--"
"Oh, that!" said George, carelessly. "I've arranged all that."
"What!"
"Oh, yes. On my way up from the station. I looked in on Celia about an
hour ago, and it's all settled."
"Amazing!"
"Well, I don't know. I just put the thing to her, and she seemed to see
it."
"I congratulate you. So now, like Alexander, you have no more worlds to
conquer."
"Well, I don't know so much about that," said George. "The way it looks to
me is that I'm just starting. This eloquence is a thing that rather grows
on one. You didn't hear about my after-dinner speech at the anniversary
banquet of the firm, I suppose? My dear fellow, a riot! A positive
stampede. Had 'em laughing and then crying and then laughing again and
then crying once more till six of 'em had to be led out and the rest down
with hiccoughs. Napkins waving ... three tables broken ... waiters in
hysterics. I tell you, I played on them as on a stringed instrument...."
"Can you play on a stringed instrument?"
"As it happens, no. But as I would have played on a stringed instrument
if I could play on a stringed instrument. Wonderful sense of power it
gives you. I mean to go in pretty largely for that sort of thing in
future."
"You must not let it interfere with your golf."
He gave a laugh which turned my blood cold.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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