The Club of Queer TradesChesterton, G. K. (Gilbert Keith)
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The Club of Queer Trades
Chesterton, G. K. (Gilbert Keith)
Detective and mystery stories, English; Private investigators -- England -- London -- Fiction
“Beyond all question,” he said, “it is a tenable hypothesis. I allude
to the hypothesis which I understand you to entertain, that our
civilization is not or may not be an advance upon, and indeed (if I
apprehend you), is or may be a retrogression from states identical with
or analogous to the state of the Zulus. Moreover, I shall be inclined
to concede that such a proposition is of the nature, in some degree at
least, of a primary proposition, and cannot adequately be argued, in the
same sense, I mean, that the primary proposition of pessimism, or the
primary proposition of the non-existence of matter, cannot adequately
be argued. But I do not conceive you to be under the impression that you
have demonstrated anything more concerning this proposition than that it
is tenable, which, after all, amounts to little more than the statement
that it is not a contradiction in terms.”
Basil threw a book at his head and took out a cigar.
“You don't understand,” he said, “but, on the other hand, as a
compensation, you don't mind smoking. Why you don't object to that
disgustingly barbaric rite I can't think. I can only say that I began it
when I began to be a Zulu, about the age of ten. What I maintained was
that although you knew more about Zulus in the sense that you are a
scientist, I know more about them in the sense that I am a savage. For
instance, your theory of the origin of language, something about its
having come from the formulated secret language of some individual
creature, though you knocked me silly with facts and scholarship in its
favour, still does not convince me, because I have a feeling that that
is not the way that things happen. If you ask me why I think so I can
only answer that I am a Zulu; and if you ask me (as you most certainly
will) what is my definition of a Zulu, I can answer that also. He is one
who has climbed a Sussex apple-tree at seven and been afraid of a ghost
in an English lane.”
“Your process of thought--” began the immovable Chadd, but his speech
was interrupted. His sister, with that masculinity which always in such
families concentrates in sisters, flung open the door with a rigid arm
and said:
“James, Mr Bingham of the British Museum wants to see you again.”
The philosopher rose with a dazed look, which always indicates in
such men the fact that they regard philosophy as a familiar thing, but
practical life as a weird and unnerving vision, and walked dubiously out
of the room.
“I hope you do not mind my being aware of it, Miss Chadd,” said Basil
Grant, “but I hear that the British Museum has recognized one of the
men who have deserved well of their commonwealth. It is true, is it
not, that Professor Chadd is likely to be made keeper of Asiatic
manuscripts?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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