The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 01Bierce, Ambrose
General
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 01
Bierce, Ambrose
Fiction
Aside from his "piracy," Hotten had a wide renown as "a hard man to deal
with." For several months before his death he had owed me one hundred
pounds sterling, and he could not possibly have been more reluctant to
part with anything but a larger sum. Even to this day in reviewing the
intelligent methods--ranging from delicate finesse to frank effrontery--by
which that good man kept me out of mine own I am prostrated with
admiration and consumed with envy. Finally by a lucky chance I got him at
a disadvantage and seeing my power he sent his manager--a fellow named
Chatto, who as a member of the firm of Chatto & Windus afterward succeeded
to his business and methods--to negotiate. I was the most implacable
creditor in the United Kingdom, and after two mortal hours of me in my
most acidulated mood Chatto pulled out a check for the full amount, ready
signed by Hotten in anticipation of defeat. Before handing it to me Chatto
said: "This check is dated next Saturday. Of course you will not present
it until then."
To this I cheerfully consented.
"And now," said Chatto, rising to go, "as everything is satisfactory I
hope you will go out to Hotten's house and have a friendly talk. It is his
wish."
On Saturday morning I went. In pursuance, doubtless, of his design when he
antedated that check he had died of a pork pie promptly on the stroke of
twelve o'clock the night before--which invalidated the check! I have met
American publishers who thought they knew something about the business of
drinking champagne out of writers' skulls. If this narrative--which, upon
my soul, is every word true--teaches them humility by showing that genuine
commercial sagacity is not bounded by geographical lines it will have
served its purpose.
Having assured myself that Mr. Hotten was really no more, I drove
furiously bank-ward, hoping that the sad tidings had not preceded me--and
they had not.
Alas! on the route was a certain tap-room greatly frequented by authors,
artists, newspaper men and "gentlemen of wit and pleasure about town."
Sitting about the customary table were a half-dozen or more choice
spirits--George Augustus Sala, Henry Sampson, Tom Hood the younger,
Captain Mayne Reid, and others less known to fame. I am sorry to say my
somber news affected these sinners in a way that was shocking. Their
levity was a thing to shudder at. As Sir Boyle Roche might have said, it
grated harshly upon an ear that had a dubious check in its pocket. Having
uttered their hilarious minds by word of mouth all they knew how, these
hardy and impenitent offenders set about writing "appropriate epitaphs."
Thank Heaven, all but one of these have escaped my memory, one that I
wrote myself. At the close of the rites, several hours later, I resumed my
movement against the bank. Too late--the old, old story of the hare and
the tortoise was told again. The "heavy news" had overtaken and passed me
as I loitered by the wayside.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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