The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 01Bierce, Ambrose
General
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 01
Bierce, Ambrose
Fiction
"I am not sure that I understand you about our transition state. So far as
our history goes matters with us have always been as they are to-day. To
suppose them to have been otherwise would be to impugn the common sense of
our ancestors. Nor do I quite know what you mean by 'small dealers,'
'middle men,' 'drummers,' and so forth."
He paused and fell into meditation, when suddenly his face was suffused
with the light of a happy thought. It so elated him that he sprang to his
feet and with his staff of office broke the heads of his Chief Admonisher
of the Inimical and his Second Assistant Audible Sycophant. Then he said:
"I think I comprehend. Some eighty-five years ago, soon after my induction
into office, there came to the court of the Panjandrum a man of this city
who had been cast upon the island of Chicago (which I believe belongs to
the American archipelago) and had passed many years there in business with
the natives. Having learned all their customs and business methods he
returned to his own country and laid before the Panjandrum a comprehensive
scheme of commercial reform. He and his scheme were referred to me, the
Panjandrum being graciously pleased to be unable to make head or tail of
it. I may best explain it in its application to a single industry--the
manufacture and sale of gootles."
"What is a gootle?" I asked.
"A metal weight for attachment to the tail of a donkey to keep him from
braying," was the answer. "It is known in this country that a donkey
cannot utter a note unless he can lift his tail. Then, as now, gootles
were made by a single concern having a great capital invested and an
immense plant, and employing an army of workmen. It dealt, as it does
to-day, directly with consumers. Afflicted with a sonant donkey a man
would write to the trust and receive his gootle by return mail, or go
personally to the factory and carry his purchase home on his
shoulder--according to where he lived. The reformer said this was
primitive, crude and injurious to the interests of the public and
especially the poor. He proposed that the members of the gootle trust
divide their capital and each member go into the business of making
gootles for himself--I do not mean for his personal use--in different
parts of the country. But none of them was to sell to consumers, but to
other men, who would sell in quantity to still other men, who would sell
single gootles for domestic use. Each manufacturer would of course require
a full complement of officers, clerks and so forth, as would the other
men--everybody but the consumer--and each would have to support them and
make a profit himself. Competition would be so sharp that solicitors would
have to be employed to make sales; and they too must have a living out of
the business. Honored stranger, am I right in my inference that the
proposed system has something in common with the one which obtains in your
own happy, enlightened and prosperous country, and which you would
approve?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account