The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 08: Negligible Tales, On With the Dance, EpigramsBierce, Ambrose
General
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 08: Negligible Tales, On With the Dance, Epigrams
Bierce, Ambrose
American literature
We had a few passengers--not nearly so many as we had laid in basins and
stewards for; for before coming off to the ship most of those who had
bought tickets would inquire whither she was bound, and when not
informed would go back to their hotels and send a bandit on board to
remove their baggage. But there were enough left to be rather
troublesome. They cultivated the rolling gait peculiar to sailors when
drunk, and the upper deck was hardly wide enough for them to go from the
forecastle to the binnacle to set their watches by the ship's compass.
They were always petitioning Captain Abersouth to let the big anchor go,
just to hear it plunge in the water, threatening in case of refusal to
write to the newspapers. A favorite amusement with them was to sit in
the lee of the bulwarks, relating their experiences in former
voyages--voyages distinguished in every instance by two remarkable
features, the frequency of unprecedented hurricanes and the entire
immunity of the narrator from seasickness. It was very interesting to
see them sitting in a row telling these things, each man with a basin
between his legs.
One day there arose a great storm. The sea walked over the ship as if it
had never seen a ship before and meant to enjoy it all it could. The
_Mudlark_ labored very much--far more, indeed, than the crew did; for
these innocents had discovered in possession of one of their number a
pair of leather-seated trousers, and would do nothing but sit and play
cards for them; in a month from leaving port each sailor had owned them
a dozen times. They were so worn by being pushed over to the winner that
there was little but the seat remaining, and that immortal part the
captain finally kicked overboard--not maliciously, nor in an unfriendly
spirit, but because he had a habit of kicking the seats of trousers.
The storm increased in violence until it succeeded in so straining the
_Mudlark_ that she took in water like a teetotaler; then it appeared to
get relief directly. This may be said in justice to a storm at sea: when
it has broken off your masts, pulled out your rudder, carried away your
boats and made a nice hole in some inaccessible part of your hull it
will often go away in search of a fresh ship, leaving you to take such
measures for your comfort as you may think fit. In our case the captain
thought fit to sit on the taffrail reading a three-volume novel.
Seeing he had got about half way through the second volume, at which
point the lovers would naturally be involved in the most hopeless and
heart-rending difficulties, I thought he would be in a particularly
cheerful humor, so I approached him and informed him the ship was going
down.
"Well," said he, closing the book, but keeping his forefinger between
the pages to mark his place, "she never would be good for much after
such a shaking-up as this. But, I say--I wish you would just send the
bo'sn for'd there to break up that prayer-meeting. The _Mudlark_ isn't a
seamen's chapel, I suppose."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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