The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 08: Negligible Tales, On With the Dance, EpigramsBierce, Ambrose
General
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 08: Negligible Tales, On With the Dance, Epigrams
Bierce, Ambrose
American literature
The sensations of a drowning man have been so often related that I shall
only briefly explain that memory at once displayed her treasures: all
the scenes of my eventful life crowded, though without confusion or
fighting, into my mind. I saw my whole career spread out before me, like
a map of Central Africa since the discovery of the gorilla. There were
the cradle in which I had lain, as a child, stupefied with soothing
syrups; the perambulator, seated in which and propelled from behind, I
overthrew the schoolmaster, and in which my infantile spine received its
curvature; the nursery-maid, surrendering her lips alternately to me and
the gardener; the old home of my youth, with the ivy and the mortgage on
it; my eldest brother, who by will succeeded to the family debts; my
sister, who ran away with the Count von Pretzel, coachman to a most
respectable New York family; my mother, standing in the attitude of a
saint, pressing with both hands her prayer-book against the patent
palpitators from Madame Fahertini's; my venerable father, sitting in his
chimney corner, his silvered head bowed upon his breast, his withered
hands crossed patiently in his lap, waiting with Christian resignation
for death, and drunk as a lord--all this, and much more, came before my
mind's eye, and there was no charge for admission to the show. Then
there was a ringing sound in my ears, my senses swam better than I
could, and as I sank down, down, through fathomless depths, the amber
light falling through the water above my head failed and darkened into
blackness. Suddenly my feet struck something firm--it was the bottom.
Thank heaven, I was saved!
THE CAPTAIN OF "THE CAMEL"
This ship was named the _Camel_. In some ways she was an extraordinary
vessel. She measured six hundred tons; but when she had taken in enough
ballast to keep her from upsetting like a shot duck, and was provisioned
for a three months' voyage, it was necessary to be mighty fastidious in
the choice of freight and passengers. For illustration, as she was about
to leave port a boat came alongside with two passengers, a man and his
wife. They had booked the day before, but had remained ashore to get one
more decent meal before committing themselves to the "briny cheap," as
the man called the ship's fare. The woman came aboard, and the man was
preparing to follow, when the captain leaned over the side and saw him.
"Well," said the captain, "what do _you_ want?"
"What do _I_ want?" said the man, laying hold of the ladder. "I'm
a-going to embark in this here ship--that's what I want."
"Not with all that fat on you," roared the captain. "You don't weigh an
ounce less than eighteen stone, and I've got to have in my anchor yet.
You wouldn't have me leave the anchor, I suppose?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account