The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 10: The OpinionatorBierce, Ambrose
General
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 10: The Opinionator
Bierce, Ambrose
American essays; American literature
It is needless to recall other instances; every playgoer’s memory is
richly stored with them; but this troupe of convicted collegians is
the frankest application of the principle to which we have yet been
treated. At the same time, it opens up “vistas” of possibilities
extending far-and-away beyond what was but yesterday the longest
reach of conjecture. Why should we stop with a troupe of educated
felons? Let us recognize the principle to the full and apply it with
logical heroism, unstayed by considerations of taste and sense. Let us
have theater companies composed of reformed assassins who have been
preachers. A company of deaf mutes whose grandfathers were hanged,
would prove a magnetic “attraction” and play to good houses—that
is to say, they would _be_ to good houses. In a troupe of senators
with warts on their noses the pleasure-shoving public would find an
infinite gratification and delight. It might lack the allurement
of feminine charm, most senators being rather old women, but for
magnificent inaction it would bear the palm. Even better would be a
company of distinguished corpses supporting some such star inactor,
as the mummy of his late Majesty, Rameses II of Egypt. In them the
do-nothing-be-something principle would have its highest, ripest and
richest development. In the broad blaze of their histrionic glory Mrs.
Langtry would pale her uneffectual fire and Mr. Sullivan hide his
diminished head.
From the example of such a company streams of good would radiate in
every direction, with countless ramifications. Not only would it
accomplish the long desired “elevation of the stage” to such a plane
that even the pulpit need not be ashamed to work with it in elicitation
of the human snore, but it would spread the light over other arts and
industries, causing “the dawn of a new era” generally. Even with the
comparatively slow progress we are making now, it is not unreasonable
to hope that eventually Man will cease his fussy activity altogether
and do nothing whatever, each individual of the species becoming a
veritable monument of philosophical inaction, rapt in the contemplation
of his own abstract worth and perhaps taking root where he stands to
survey it.
PECTOLITE
This is one of the younger group of minerals: it was discovered
by a German scientist in 1828. For its age it is an exceptionally
interesting stone—if it is a stone. Its most eminent and distinguishing
peculiarity is described as the “property of parting with minute
splinters from its surface upon being handled, these splinters
or spicules piercing the hand, producing a pain similar to that
experienced by contact with a nettle.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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