The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 11: AntepenultimataBierce, Ambrose
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The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 11: Antepenultimata
Bierce, Ambrose
American essays; American literature
But the steady subsidence of the Atlantic littoral foreshadows changes
more startling than these—more startling, at least, to some who have
not the advantage to be Jersey mosquitoes. Man himself, the man of the
Eastern states, _Homo smugwumpus_, will find himself face to face with
a problem of supreme scientific interest and personal importance. Will
he travel west and go up with the country, or, staying where he is,
develop into a fish and be mighty quick about it? The ordinary process
of evolution, whereby a million years are required to change a red
worm into a rhinoceros or advance a cave-bat one step in biological
preferment and make it a theologian, will not do for _H. smugwumpus_
when the wave is at his armpits and his ancestral acres are falling
away from his webless feet. Even the fittest of his species must travel
with uncommon speed along the line of development in order to survive
in the new environment. They must slide nimbly up the scale of being,
passing every intermediate stage between smugwumphood and fishness
without pausing to enjoy its advantages. Probably, however, most of
them will prefer to ascend the new watercourses up the ever-steepening
slope of the great plains, settling eventually on the summit of the
continent, roundabout San Francisco—where it is to be hoped they will
be welcome if they behave themselves. Doubtless they will miss many of
the blessings of their lowland existence, but they will find in the
superior altitude an immunity from sunstroke and the mad dog, which
will be partial compensation for renouncing the fascinating study of
the long thermometer.
Probably the turning over of the continent will in time be stayed; to
the unscientific mind, at least, its complete subversion is imperfectly
thinkable. But for the next few thousand years, while still the memory
of the purpose and efficacy of Noah’s deluge is fresh and pleasing in
Heaven, the movement will be likely to continue. By the time that it
ceases the Atlantic shore will perhaps be a contour line on the eastern
declivity of the Rocky Mountains, and the Pacific slope comprise all
that region now underlying the “great gulf” between this world and
Hawaii. As a practical settlement of the annexation question on a
staying basis, this unpolitical movement is worthy of the highest
commendation. With the construction of the San Francisco and Honolulu
Pacific Railroad by Government and at the rate of fifty million dollars
a mile in hand paid to the owners of the road, and by them kept for
their honesty, the status of the descendants of Kamehameha and Kalakaua
will be definitely fixed—they will be payers of All That The Traffic
Will Bear.
The upward tendency of the Pacific side of the continent will be
attended, no doubt, with certain inconveniences. Already the relentless
progress of its ascension has laid “effacing fingers” on the _amour
propre_ of several worthy persons who thought themselves heavy enough
to hold it down.
1892.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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