Then I spoke up and said “Missy, when you go for to live in your other house I want you to take your young man and let him live there too, cause he comes here so much to see Uncle Ned that he is a gum dasted nusance!” And she said she would if she died for it. The Bible it says that fellers which are nusances shall arise from the dead. And thats why I say eat drink and be merry, for to-morrow you dont. But a pigs tail, nice roasted is the king of beasts. TWO ADMINISTRATIONS A PROVISIONAL SETTLEMENT _McKinley, a President. Sagasta, a Prime Minister. Aguinaldo, a Patriot._ SAGASTA—Señor Presidente, you are very good, and you will find that Spain is not unreasonable. I have instructed my peace commissioners to concede quite a number of the demands that yours will probably make. MCKINLEY—And the others? SAG.—Why, of course, Señor, a demand that is not conceded is refused. MCK.—But if my commissioners have the sorrow to insist? SAG.—In that case Spain knows how to defend her honor. MCK.—How, for example? SAG.—If need be, with the naked breasts of her sons! MCK.—My good friend, you err widely. The thing which there may be a dispute about is not Spanish honor, but Spanish soil. SAG.—In every square foot of which, Senõr Porco—I mean Presidente—Spanish honor is rooted. MCK.—Sir, I shall consult my Secretary of Agriculture as to the desirability of annexing land which produces a crop like that. But this is your day to be dull: can you really suppose that in permitting you to have peace commissioners I expected them to claim the right of dissent? However these matters may be debated, there is but one deciding power—the will of the American Executive. SAG.—Señor, you forget. Supreme over all, there is God! MCK.—O, I don’t know. He’s not the only—— SAG.—Holy cats! [_Enter Aguinaldo._] MCK.—First of all, Señor Prime Minister, you must renounce the island of Luzon, and—— AGUINALDO—Yes, Señor, that being the most important island of the group, and the one in which you have not now even a foothold, its renunciation will naturally precede that of the others, as my great and good ally is pleased to suggest. With regard to Luzon you have only to say, “We renounce”; I, “We accept.” MCK.—Please have the goodness to hold your tongue. AG.—With both hands, your Excellency. MCK.—Second, Señor, you must assure a liberal government to the other islands. SAG.—With great pleasure, your Excellency; quite cheerfully. MCK.—Please do not wink. Third, there must be—— AG.—Excuse me; I was brought up a Spanish subject. What is a liberal government? MCK.—That is for Spain to decide. AG.—I don’t see what Spain will have to do with it. MCK.—My friend, you slumber—peaceful be thy dreams. Third, there must be complete separation of church and state. SAG.—What! a Diabolocracy? You shock me!