Tell him that when the time allowed is up We’ll press against his lips the bitter cup. We’ll waste no further words in this. Don’t fail To send the scalawag’s reply—by mail. A PRESIDENTIAL PROGRESS FIRST AMERICAN SOVEREIGN—Hurrah! Hooray! Hurroo! SECOND AMERICAN SOVEREIGN—What’s the matter with you? F. A. S.—What’s the matter with me? What’s the matter with all of us? Don’t you see the President’s train? Don’t you hear him speaking from the rear platform? S. A. S.—What’s to prevent? F. A. S.—Nothing could prevent—not all the crowned heads of Europe, nor all their sycophant courtiers and servile subjects! S. A. S.—No, nothing—just nothing at all—excepting personal self-respect and a decent sense of the dignity of American citizenship. F. A. S.—What! You think it base and undignified to pay honor to the President’s great office? S. A. S.—It is easy to call it “honoring his great office.” I believe we commonly do give the name of some virtue to our besetting vice. I observe that the President, too, honors our own great office by the most sickening flattery of the people every time he opens his mouth. His reasons are better than ours, for we really rank him: his great office is of our own making and bestowal. But I wish he wouldn’t lick my boots. F. A. S.—Sir, you have no right to use such language of the ruler of the nation! S. A. S.—It is “ruler” when you want an excuse to grovel; in your more austere moods it is “servant of the people”—and that is his own name for the thing that he has the distinction to be. I don’t cheer my butler, nor throw flowers at my coachman, nor crush the hand of my cook. F. A. S. (_aside_)—This must be a millionaire! (_Aloud_) I see great wisdom, sir, in what you say. I’ll never again abase myself before any one. Listen to the senseless applause! (_Aside, as loud as he can bawl_) Hooray! Hooray! S. A. S.—Ah, that was the fellow’s expiring platitude. He has finished waving the red flag and is coming this way. [_President passes, shaking hands with both._] F. A. S. (_gazing at his hand with deep emotion_)—God bless him! S. A. S.—Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! MISCELLANEOUS THE SAMPLE COUNTER OUR HISTORICAL NOVELS _From “The First Man in Rome.”_ No sooner had Cæsar crossed the Rubicon than all Rome was ablaze with excitement and terror. Horatius, who all by himself had held the bridge until outnumbered, retreated to the Tiber, where he was joined by the new levies, imperfectly armed and equipped, and some of the Prætorian Guards. There, behind such defenses as they could improvise, they swore to resist until all were dead. Sacrifices were offered to the gods, and the augurs, removing the hearts of the victims, consulted the auricles.