MENE. Faith I can't tell: but I'm amaz'd that you, Who see so clearly into all the rest, Should stick at this.--But that arch villain Syrus Has form'd and moulded your son too so rarely. That nobody can have the least suspicion That this is Clinia's mistress. CHREM. How? MENE. I pass Their kisses and embraces. All that's nothing. CHREM. What is there more than he can counterfeit? MENE. Ah! (_Smiling._) CHREM. What d'ye mean? MENE. Nay, do but hear. I have A private snug apartment, a back room, Whither a bed was brought and made. CHREM. What then? MENE. No sooner done, than in went Clitipho. CHREM. Alone? MENE. Alone. CHREM. I tremble. MENE. Bacchis follow'd. CHREM. Alone? MENE. Alone. CHREM. Undone! MENE. No sooner in, But they made fast the door. CHREM. Ha! And was Clinia Witness to this? MENE. He was.--Both he and I. CHREM. Bacchis is my son's mistress, Menedemus. I'm ruin'd. MENE. Why d'ye think so? CHREM. Mine is scarce A ten-days' family. MENE. What are you dismay'd Because he sticks so closely to his friend? CHREM. Friend! His she-friend. MENE. If so---- CHREM. Is that a doubt? Is any man so courteous, and so patient, As tamely to stand by and see his mistress---- MENE. Ha, ha, ha! Why not?--That I, you know, Might be more easily impos'd upon. (_Ironically._) CHREM. D'ye laugh at me? I'm angry with myself: And well I may. How many circumstances Conspir'd to make it gross and palpable, Had I not been a stone!--What things I saw! Fool, fool! But by my life I'll be reveng'd: For now---- MENE. And can't you then contain yourself? Have you no self-respect? And am not I A full example for you? CHREM. Menedemus, My anger throws me quite beside myself. MENE. That you should talk thus! is it not a shame To be so lib'ral of advice to others, So wise abroad, and poor in sense at home? CHREM. What shall I do? MENE. That which but even now You counsel'd me to do: Give him to know That you're indeed a father: let him dare Trust his whole soul to you, seek, ask of you; Lest he to others have recourse, and leave you. CHREM. And let him go; go where he will; much rather Than here by his extravagance reduce His father to distress and beggary. For if I should continue to supply The course of his expenses, Menedemus, Your desp'rate rakes would be my lot indeed. MENE. Ah, to what evils you'll expose yourself, Unless you're cautious! You will seem severe, And yet forgive him afterward, and then With an ill grace too. CHREM. Ah, you do not know How much this grieves me. MENE. Well, well, take your way. But tell me, do you grant me my request That this your new-found daughter wed my son? Or is there aught more welcome to you? CHREM. Nothing. The son-in-law and the alliance please me. MENE. What portion shall I tell my son you've settled! Why are you silent? CHREM. Portion! MENE. Aye, what portion? CHREM. Ah! MENE. Fear not, Chremes, though it be but small: The portion nothing moves us.