Opening the text

The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and OdditiesThackeray, William Makepeace

Philosophy

The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities

Name: The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
Author: Thackeray, William Makepeace

Thackeray, William Makepeace

Almanacs, English -- England -- London; English wit and humor

But it's no use talking, for talking only makes one more hungrier and
    more drier:
 And the heat of argiment's wery unlike the heat of a good kitchen fire.
 I'm as dry as an old boat, vot ain't good for nothink in life but to
    knock up and burn;
 And so I sees plain enough suicide's the only side on vich I can turn.
 Bless you, I'm as hollow as a drum, and as thin as any poor devil of a
    church mouse;
 So here goes for the fatal plunge—what's a plunge more or less to a man
    as hasn't got a _sous_?

 Here goes—but, oh, crikey! vhere _am_ I to go to find a drop o' vater
    un-froze?
 Vell, that's the cuttingest thing of all—to think as a man can't put a
    end to his woes
 In his own native element, as he vos bred and born to, and lived in,
    man and b'y,
 Uppards of thirty-six year come next Midsummer (vich it never vill come
    again to I).
 Vell, I've tuck my leave of the river, and my poor miserable little
    funny, so pretty and red:
 I shall never shoot Lunnun Bridge no more, so I'll go and shoot myself
    instead.

[Illustration:

  A CHARITY BALL—Dancing for the Million.
]


                          THE GOOD OLD TIMES.

          Let others sing of times to come—
              Of joys that never will!
          My song shall be of days gone by:
              So, boys, a bumper fill
          To the good old times! oh, the good old times!
              Their like we ne'er shall see:
          The world was full of honest hearts,
              And life went merrily.

          In the days of youth, when all was flowers,
              And ev'ry month was May,
          And my spirits were light as the thistle down
              And my heart was always gay,
          I loved a fair and gentle maid
              With all the constancy
          That a mutual flame in youth can inspire:
              But, alas! she jilted me.
                  Oh, the good old times! the good old times
                      Their like we ne'er shall see:
                  The world was full of honest hearts,
                      And life went merrily.

          Friends of to-day, how vain are they!
              The partners of an hour,
          That fortune gathers round a man,
              As sunshine wakes the flow'r.
          _My_ friend and I, in infancy,
              Play'd 'neath the same old tree:
          One home was ours for long, long years,
              Till my friend arrested me.
                  Oh, the good old times! the good old times!
                      Their like we ne'er shall see:
                  The world was full of honest hearts,
                      And life went merrily.

Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.

Opening the text

The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and OdditiesThackeray, William Makepeace

Philosophy

The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities

Thackeray, William Makepeace

Almanacs, English -- England -- London; English wit and humor

But it's no use talking, for talking only makes one more hungrier and
    more drier:
 And the heat of argiment's wery unlike the heat of a good kitchen fire.
 I'm as dry as an old boat, vot ain't good for nothink in life but to
    knock up and burn;
 And so I sees plain enough suicide's the only side on vich I can turn.
 Bless you, I'm as hollow as a drum, and as thin as any poor devil of a
    church mouse;
 So here goes for the fatal plunge—what's a plunge more or less to a man
    as hasn't got a _sous_?

 Here goes—but, oh, crikey! vhere _am_ I to go to find a drop o' vater
    un-froze?
 Vell, that's the cuttingest thing of all—to think as a man can't put a
    end to his woes
 In his own native element, as he vos bred and born to, and lived in,
    man and b'y,
 Uppards of thirty-six year come next Midsummer (vich it never vill come
    again to I).
 Vell, I've tuck my leave of the river, and my poor miserable little
    funny, so pretty and red:
 I shall never shoot Lunnun Bridge no more, so I'll go and shoot myself
    instead.

[Illustration:

  A CHARITY BALL—Dancing for the Million.
]


                          THE GOOD OLD TIMES.

          Let others sing of times to come—
              Of joys that never will!
          My song shall be of days gone by:
              So, boys, a bumper fill
          To the good old times! oh, the good old times!
              Their like we ne'er shall see:
          The world was full of honest hearts,
              And life went merrily.

          In the days of youth, when all was flowers,
              And ev'ry month was May,
          And my spirits were light as the thistle down
              And my heart was always gay,
          I loved a fair and gentle maid
              With all the constancy
          That a mutual flame in youth can inspire:
              But, alas! she jilted me.
                  Oh, the good old times! the good old times
                      Their like we ne'er shall see:
                  The world was full of honest hearts,
                      And life went merrily.

          Friends of to-day, how vain are they!
              The partners of an hour,
          That fortune gathers round a man,
              As sunshine wakes the flow'r.
          _My_ friend and I, in infancy,
              Play'd 'neath the same old tree:
          One home was ours for long, long years,
              Till my friend arrested me.
                  Oh, the good old times! the good old times!
                      Their like we ne'er shall see:
                  The world was full of honest hearts,
                      And life went merrily.

Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.

The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities

The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities

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