The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and OdditiesThackeray, William Makepeace
Philosophy
The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
Thackeray, William Makepeace
Almanacs, English -- England -- London; English wit and humor
The approaching vacation devolves on me the pleasing duty of reporting
to you, by the hands of Master Timothy, the general progress of his
studies. In some respects his extraordinary precocity has even exceeded
my wishes. I have directed his reading principally to Biography, and his
ardour has led him to add to my selection the lives of Turpin and Moore
Carew, together with the instructive narratives of the Newgate Calendar.
His progress in penmanship has been so great, that he has not only
written all his own letters, but many for his school-fellows, to which
the versatility of his genius has led him to append their names so
accurately, as to enable him to obtain from their parents, with the help
of the post-boy, a considerable addition to his pocket-money. I have
cleared up a few of these little shades of character, which have been
brought to light, as you will perceive at the foot of my bill. In
Arithmetic, Subtraction has been his favourite rule, as all the drawers
in the house can testify. He has also worked some complicated sums in
Vulgar Fractions, and proved them, by the glazier's bill enclosed. His
skill in Division has also been displayed in his setting all the school
together by the ears. In Composition, his forte is romance and general
fiction; indeed his conversation is of so flowery a nature, as to have
been compared to a wreath of li-lies. At our races he greatly improved
his acquaintance with the Greeks—Late-in, of course, included—and my
servants picked him up at midnight, land-measuring, at length, on the
Turnpike road. He has progressed in Logic, though rather addicted to
strange premises, which may lead to serious conclusions. He has become
an accomplished natural philosopher—his pursuit of Ornithology has led
him to every hen-roost in the village, and all my eggs have been
constantly exhausted in his experiments on suction. During his inquiries
into the nature of animal heat, my favourite cat caught a severe cold,
from which she never recovered, through his turning her out without her
skin, on a frosty night. I have inserted a small item from my surgeon's
bill, for repairs of his companions' noses, damaged by his passion for
Conchology; and a charge, which I fear you will think heavy, for a
skylight, destroyed by Master Timothy's falling through, while crawling
along the parapet on a dark night, to seek some information at my
gardener's daughter's window—an extraordinary instance of the pursuit of
knowledge under difficulties. His decided turn for the belles lettres
has deprived me of two of my best maids; for I have been obliged to
discharge them on suspicion of irregularly participating in his studies,
contrary to the rules of my establishment. As I do not feel competent,
however, to do justice to the education of so talented a youth, I shall
not expect to see Master Timothy again after the holidays.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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