The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and OdditiesThackeray, William Makepeace
Philosophy
The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
Thackeray, William Makepeace
Almanacs, English -- England -- London; English wit and humor
Dobble was obliged to take the hint; and Captain Stubbs was duly
presented to Mrs. Manasseh; the lady was as gracious as possible: and
when, at the end of the walk, we parted, she said, "she hoped Captain
Dobble would bring me to her apartments that evening, where she expected
a few friends." Everybody, you see, knows everybody at Leamington; and
I, for my part, was well known as a retired officer of the army; who, on
his father's death, had come into seven thousand a year. Dobble's
arrival had been subsequent to mine, but putting up, as he did, at the
Royal Hotel, and dining at the ordinary there with the widow, he had
made his acquaintance before I had. I saw, however, that if I allowed
him to talk about me, as he could, I should be compelled to give up all
my hopes and pleasures at Leamington; and so I determined to be short
with him. As soon as the lady had gone into the hotel, my friend Dobble
was for leaving me likewise; but I stopped him, and said, "Mr. Dobble, I
saw what you meant just now: you wanted to cut me, because, forsooth, I
did not choose to fight a duel at Portsmouth; now look you, Dobble, I am
no hero, but I'm not such a coward as you—and you know it. You are a
very different man to deal with from Waters; and _I will fight_ this
time."
Not, perhaps, that I would: but after the business of the butcher, I
knew Dobble to be as great a coward as ever lived: and there never was
any harm in threatening, for you know you are not obliged to stick to it
afterwards. My words had their effect upon Dobble, who stuttered, and
looked red, and then declared, he never had the slightest intention of
passing me by; so we became friends, and his mouth was stopped.
He was very thick with the widow: but that lady had a very capacious
heart, and there were a number of other gentlemen who seemed equally
smitten with her. "Look at that Mrs. Manasseh," said a gentleman (it was
droll, _he_ was a Jew, too), sitting at dinner by me; "she is old and
ugly, and yet because she has money, all the men are flinging themselves
at her."
"She has money, has she?"
"Eighty thousand pounds, and twenty thousand for each of her children. I
know it _for a fact_," said the strange gentleman. "I am in the law, and
we, of our faith, you know, know pretty well what the great families
amongst us are worth."
"Who was Mr. Manasseh?"
"A man of enormous wealth—a tobacco-merchant—West Indies; a fellow of no
birth, however; and who, between ourselves, married a woman that is not
much better than she should be. My dear sir," whispered he, "she is
always in love—now it is with that Captain Dobble; last week it was
somebody else; and it may be you next week, if—ha! ha! ha!—you are
disposed to enter the lists."
"I wouldn't, for _my_ part, have the woman with twice her money."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account