perpetually _going off_. Rowland Hill has invented this scheme; but the postmen do not complain of him so much as of the other _hills_ they must trudge over with their great bags of letters. The only district there is any contention for is _Bag shot_ heath, once famous for highwaymen; they say, however, that we are _all_ highwaymen now, and do nothing but make them "_stand and deliver_" from morning till night. Some mercantile quarrels have sprung out of the new regulation. For instance, there is a good deal of _milling_ among the paper-makers. The march of paper will be prodigious—the French say we shall have none left, that it will be all _papier marché_! Men, women, and children are to write—right or wrong. Enjoinments to this duty—now the other duty is off—press from all quarters. "Be sure you send me plenty of _notes_," says the son, departing for College. "Write to me often, _Billy, do_," asks the affectionate mother of her school-going child. Love-letters, containing mutual _pledges_, will be _popped_ into the post by thousands; and hearts gone passed _redemption_ will be slipped recklessly through a hole in the door. It is uncertain whether orators will not cease _spouting_, and singers write the notes which they formerly would have _uttered_. Ironmongers are looking up—and _forgery_ is going on famously—in consequence of the great demand for steam _steal_ pens. Manifold-writers are quite exhausted. I confess, I do not like the system myself—as it's Hill's, it has its ills; any good in it will appear on an examination— POST MORTEM. FEBRUARY.—FIRST ROUT. We were speedily installed in our fine house: but what's a house without friends? Jemmy made me _cut_ all my old acquaintances in the market, and I was a solitary being, when, luckily, an old acquaintance of ours, Captain Tagrag, was so kind as to promise to introduce us into distinguished society. Tagrag was the son of a baronet, and had done us the honour of lodging with us for two years; when we lost sight of him, and of his little account, too, by the way. A fortnight after, hearing of our good fortune, he was among us again, however; and Jemmy was not a little glad to see him, knowing him to be a baronet's son, and very fond of our Jemimarann; indeed, Orlando (who is as brave as a lion) had, on one occasion, absolutely beaten Mr. Tagrag for being rude to the poor girl; a clear proof, as Tagrag said afterwards, that he was always fond of her. Mr. Crump, poor fellow, was not very much pleased by our good fortune, though he did all he could to try, at first; and I told him to come and take his dinner regular, as if nothing had happened. But to this Jemima very soon put a stop, for she came very justly to know her stature, and to look down on Crump, which she bid her daughter to do; and, after a great scene, in which Orlando showed himself very rude and angry, he was forbidden the house—for ever!