The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and OdditiesThackeray, William Makepeace
Philosophy
The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
Thackeray, William Makepeace
Almanacs, English -- England -- London; English wit and humor
"Sir,—I think you have suffered enough for faults which, I believe, do
not lie with you, so much as your wife; and I have withdrawn my claims
which I had against you while you were in wrongful possession of my
father's estates. You must remember that when, on examination of my
father's papers, no will was found, I yielded up his property, with
perfect willingness, to those who I fancied were his legitimate heirs.
For this I received all sorts of insults from your wife and yourself
(who acquiesced in them); and when the discovery of a will in India
proved _my_ just claims you must remember how they were met, and the
vexatious proceedings with which you sought to oppose them.
"I have discharged your lawyer's bill; and, as I believe you are more
fitted for the trade you formerly exercised than for any other, I will
give five hundred pounds for the purchase of a stock and shop when you
shall find one to suit you.
"I enclose a draft for twenty pounds, to meet your present expenses. You
have, I am told, a son, a boy of some spirit; if he likes to try his
fortune abroad, and go on board an Indiaman, I can get him an
appointment; and am, Sir, your obedient servant,
JOHN TUGGERIDGE."
It was Mrs. Breadbasket, the housekeeper, who brought this letter, and
looked mighty contemptuous as she gave it.
"I hope, Breadbasket, that your master will send me my things, at any
rate," cries Jemmy. "There's seventeen silk and satin dresses, and a
whole heap of trinkets, that can be of no earthly use to him."
"Don't Breadbasket me, mem, if you please, mem. My master says that them
things is quite obnoxious to your spere of life. Breadbasket, indeed!"
and so she sailed out.
Jemmy hadn't a word; she had grown mighty quiet since we had been in
misfortune: but my daughter looked as happy as a queen; and Tug, when he
heard of the ship, gave a jump that nearly knocked down poor Orlando.
"Ah, I suppose you'll forget me now," says he, with a sigh; and seemed
the only unhappy person in company.
"Why, you conceive, Mr. Crump," says my wife, with a great deal of
dignity, "that, connected as we are, a young man born in a work——"
"Woman!" cried I (for once in my life determined to have my own way),
"hold your foolish tongue. Your absurd pride has been the ruin of us,
hitherto; and, from this day, I'll have no more of it. Hark ye, Orlando,
if you will take Jemimarann, you may have her; and if you'll take five
hundred pounds for a half share of the shop, they're yours; and _that's_
for you, Mrs. Coxe."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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