The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and OdditiesThackeray, William Makepeace
Philosophy
The Comic Almanack, Volume 1: An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities
Thackeray, William Makepeace
Almanacs, English -- England -- London; English wit and humor
14th.—The Hackney Coaches of the Metropolis met at their usual resting
time, which lasts from sixty minutes past twelve on Saturday night till
sixty minutes before one on Sunday morning, and resolved to petition
Parliament in favour of Sir Andrew's Sunday Bill. They complained that
though on that day they always had more _fare_, they had no more food,
for though they were never without the taste of _a bit_, they had no
leisure to bite; and that though the weather might be ever so fine, for
them it was always _rein_-y. They, however, did not wish to make
exorbitant demands, and would be quite satisfied if Sunday, to others a
day of joy, might be to them a day of "_Wo_." Earl _Grey_ was asked to
present the petition, and signified "yea" by saying "neigh."
MAY 5th.—The attention of the passengers in Salisbury Square was excited
by observing an inhabitant come out at the attic window of a house (No.
66), and pass along the parapet. His next neighbour, with whom he was
known to be on bad terms, soon after appeared on the adjacent roof. They
approached each other with signs of anger, and grappling, engaged in a
furious struggle;—both fell from the parapet;—fortunately escaping the
iron spikes below, and alighting on their feet, each spit at the other,
cried "moll-row," and rushed down his own area.
15th.—As Doctor Fillpot was walking in the Zoological Gardens, his
Christian charity was blown into the cage of the Humming birds, and
instantly pecked up by the voracious little animals, who, strange to
say, did not seem at all inconvenienced by the extraordinary meal.
JUNE 3rd.—A nursemaid and three fine children were lost in some cart
ruts, called "The New Promenade," in Regent's Park, and have never been
heard of since.
9th.—At the Annual Meeting of the Proprietors of the Thames Tunnel, the
secretary reported that though the _Leeks_ had all ceased, he was happy
to say there was no diminution of _Salaries_; that they had got _over_
all the soft _mud_, which was hard; but they had now to get _under_ a
hard _rock_, which was harder; that their money in the _stocks_ was
expended in digging _stones_; and that they had not reached the opposite
_Bank_, though they had exhausted their _Banker_; and that, in all
probability, though they might labour to the end, they would never see
the end of their labour; for however _light_ they might make of it, they
were more in the _dark_ than ever. The meeting, in great discontent,
divided without a dividend; and, grunting like _hogs_, pronounced the
w_hole_ a great _bore_.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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