The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
"You see, gentlemen," he continued, "there is no flaw to be detected,
and if after looking at my title you want a specimen of my deeds, I can
very speedily give you the satisfaction you require." The historian need
scarcely add that the commissioners backed out, with an observation,
"that a mere abstract of the title--a drawing of the sword out of its
scabbard--was all that could possibly be required." Edward having other
fish to fry, had hitherto neglected Wales, but that land of mountains
was a scene of frequent risings, which he now determined to "put down"
with promptitude and vigour. Llewellyn, the Prince of North Wales, was
summoned to London to do homage as a tributary to the English crown, but
his ambition having been fired by some prophecies of the famous Merlin,
the fiery Welshman sent word that he would not come so far to see
Edward, which was equivalent to a declaration that he would see him
further. The English king having resolved to punish so much insolence,
about Easter, 1277, crossed the Dee--not the sea, as some historians
have alleged--with a large army and blocked poor Llewellyn up in his own
principality. His brother David having been made an English baron, and
married to the daughter of an English earl, was at first devoted to
the English, but his native breezes fanned the still dormant flame of
patriotism, and he joined his brother in resisting the foreign enemy.
Edward occupied Anglesey, but in crossing over to the mainland he found
himself in the most dreadful straits at the Menai. He lost several
hundred men, and was obliged to fly for protection to one of his
castles, but a king in those days could make every Englishman's house
his castle, by unceremoniously walking into it. Llewellyn was somewhat
emboldened by partial success, and foolishly advanced to the valley of
the Wye, without anyone knowing wherefore. Roger, the savage Earl of
Mortimer, was immediately down upon him, and sacrificed him before he
had time even to put on his armour, in which he was only half encased
when he was cruelly set upon by the enemy. He had buckled on his
greaves, and was in the act of putting on his breast-plate over his head
when he was decapitated with the usual disregard which was at that
time continually shown to the heads of families. His brother David kept
cutting about the country with his sword in his hand for at least six
months, until he was basely betrayed into the hands of the English. He
was condemned to die the death of traitors, which included a series
of barbarities too revolting to mention. This sentence, which formed a
precedent in the punishment of high treason for many ages, is one of
the most disgraceful facts of our history. It casts a stigma upon every
Parliament and every generation of the people in whose time this fearful
penalty either was or might have been inflicted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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