The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
It was the practice of Richard to do things by fits and starts; so
that he accomplished an object very often by getting people to aid him
without knowing exactly what they were about, in consequence of the
suddenness with which he claimed their services. A few days after poor
Gloucester had been "entered outwards" for Calais, the king went to
Nottingham Castle, where, taking his uncles Lancaster and York by
surprise, he pulled out a document, requesting them to favour him with
their autographs. They could not very well refuse a request so strangely
made, and it eventually turned out that they had put their names to a
bill of indictment against Gloucester, Warwick and Arundel. A Parliament
was called to try the traitors, who were condemned, as a matter of
course; for Richard, walking into the house with six hundred men-at-arms
and a body-guard of archers, was pretty sure of a large majority.
Arundel was beheaded, and a writ was issued against Gloucester,
commanding him to return from Calais, to undergo the same disagreeable
process.
Fortunately, or unfortunately for the duke, he was dead before the writ
could be served; but the Parliament, though they could not kill him
twice over, indulged the satisfaction of declaring him a traitor after
his decease, by which all his property became forfeited. This proceeding
was a good deal like robbing the dead; but it was by no means contrary
to the spirit of the period. Warwick pleaded guilty, and was sentenced
to perpetual imprisonment in the Isle of Man--a sort of _lucus a non
lucendo_, which was called the Isle of Man from there being scarcely a
man to be seen in the place from one week's end to the other.
The peculiar richness of this reign consists in the historical doubts,
of which it is so full that the chroniclers are thrown into a state of
pleasing bewilderment. Nobody knows what became of Gloucester while in
captivity at Calais; and therefore every writer is at liberty to dispose
of the duke in any manner that may tempt an imagination inclining to
riot and rampancy. The treatment of his Royal Highness becomes truly
dreadful in the hands of the various antiquarians and others who have
undertaken to deal with him. By one set of authorities he is strangled,
in accordance with the alleged orders of the king: others kill him
of apoplexy; a few poison him; ten or a dozen drown him; six or seven
smother him; but all agree in the fact that he was, surreptitiously
settled. We are the only faithful recorders of the real fact, when we
state upon our honour that nobody knows the manner of the duke's death,
which is involved in the dense fogs of dim obscurity. Into these we will
not venture, lest we lose our own way and mislead the reader who may pay
us the compliment of committing himself to our guidance.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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